Loving the unloveable

Chapter Eight- Fuck Talking.

Clarke's POV:

When I got out of Ryder's car, my heart instantly dropped, Flynn was staring right at me with the dirtiest look on his face, I couldn't blame him though... I did just get out of another boy's car.

"you wanna tell me why the fuck you're getting out of Ryder's car?" the anger in his voice scared the shit out of me, I had never heard Flynn yell like that. "please don't yell at me, he drove me to school because he knows about dad and because he saved my life last night" I said with my head down.

"saved your life how Clarke?" Flynn's voice was still firm and angry. "Please Flynn, I'm tired and I don't want to talk about this right now."

I walked away before Flynn could say another thing.

class dragged on for what felt like days and I couldn't stop thinking about Ryder, how could everyone think he was a bad guy? he saved me and he was so kind to me, The classes I had with Ryder, I waited for him to sit next to me and talk to me but he didn't, he ignored me all day. if I'm honest, this made me feel shit, why was he so kind to me last night but ignore me all day today? When the final bell rang, I ran to my locker to grab my bag before Flynn or Misty came and bombarded me with a million fucking questions. I went and waited by Ryder's car, I wanted him to come to the bridge with me so we could sit and talk, or not talk if that's what he wanted to do.

When I had asked Ryder to come to the bridge, he lied to my face, to be honest, this pissed me off big time, so I walked away. I missed the fucking bus so I had to walk all the way home, or so I thought anyway, Ryder pulled on the side of the road and rolled down his window.

"Clarke, please get in" Ryder spoke with such sadness in his voice, I think he felt bad for lying to me. I walked to the passenger side of his car and got in. "where are we going?" I asked quietly as we misses the turn for my street. "to the bridge" my face lit up with a smile although I tried not to let Ryder see that he made me smile.

"How did you find this bridge?" I asked Ryder 

"my dad used to bring me here when I was younger." he said in a nervy voice. My heart sank because that was the same reason I knew about this place. "what about you?"

"same as you, my dad took me here" Ryder looked at me, he reached over and grabbed my hand and held it tight, I could see the empathy in his eyes, I could see that Ryder had gone through the same pain as I am going through now. I couldn't help but tear up at the touch of Ryder's hand still holding mine.

"Clarke, I am so sorry" Ryder's arms flung around me once more and he just held me in silence, he ran his fingers through my hair. It was wrong of me to think but, I couldn't help but think maybe I was with the wrong person. I loved Flynn with all of my heart but I had never felt the feelings I can feel when I am with Ryder. I am a horrible person.