GenderSwitchs Vol. 3 (English)

Chapter 3: "Guilt"

For a long time, when I was going to elementary school, or even earlier, since I was a baby, I was always interested in science, so when I entered elementary school, most of my time was spent reading books about it, however, and thanks to that, I didn't make any kind of friend there.

The rest of the kids were always playing things like soccer, baseball, or things like that.

The ease of reading science books made me feel relaxed and, in a way, made me really feel like I was being myself.

However, as expected of someone of that age, there were always kids who were prone to teasing, stealing money from others, and even insulting someone for being "different" in some way from the rest. In my case, it wasn't the exception; however, I didn't pay much attention to them, up to a point. But on the other hand, there was something that made me feel empty.

The fact of not having friends meant that, despite having a good time and have peace while reading and doing simple scientific things —for someone my age–, like extracting energy from vegetables and converting them into electricity, there was a part inside me that wanted to do a friend to talk to and have a good time with.

But thanks to the fact that I was mostly classified as a "nerd" or a "four-eyed" for wearing rather large round glasses, it was impossible for me to be able to relate to any of the people I was forced to call "classmates".

Despite everything they did, they didn't receive any kind of sanction for their actions, while for my part I was blamed for everything, to which in those moments, I reacted in a somewhat timid and submissive way to avoid more problems.

Everything was like this until half of the fourth grade of elementary school, where the teacher brought a mascot for the class, which was a small golden fish.

It could be said that that golden fish became my first friend, who every time I entered on the classroom began to swim like crazy, and when I approached the fish tank, it swam near the glass where I was.

Although it wasn't a direct relationship with that fish, I felt that there was a connection which was pleasant for me, and it made me enjoy being around that little animal.

When it was time to give it food, I was usually the volunteer to do it, as it was something that I found more funnier than just concentrating on make new experiments in my house, as if it were my own laboratory.

There were times when the school teacher would let a student take the class pet home to take care of it for one night and, as you can guess, I was the one who almost always took that little fish.

Since it was tiring just to call it a fish, the little me thought about how to call it, since the teacher had asked us to give it a name, but no one seemed interested more than me.

In a way it was normal, since most kids would be interested if the pet was a hamster or something similar, but in my case, the fish and the sea were also something quite mysterious, at least for when I was in the fourth grade, which I was losing over time, but without abandoning it.

The truth was that think about an appropriate name for a fish was difficult, especially when it was only me who was considering that idea. Although, looking at it another way, it was quite an interesting challenge which I took, and made mine.

Among the possibilities I was considering, I ended up calling it "Aki", alluding to the golden glow of it's body and fins.

Believe it or not, thinking on a name like that wasn't easy, however, I think it totally worth it at the end.

I enjoyed every moment I spent with Aki while I was in elementary school. However, around the winter of that year —I was still in fourth grade— something happened that I'll never forget.