We are too young

We are too young -chapter 2

It's the next day at school. Mason didn't show today. I go through all my classes feeling empty like there's no one who can fill the emptiness except the one person I don't want to fill it, Mason. If he showed I probably wouldn't be able to stop myself from jumping in his arms. Great, now I want to cry because I miss Mason so fucking much my heart hurts. As I walk home I get a text...

Mason: Can we please talk? Please

I can't talk to him again, I just can't. So I don't respond, instead I put my earbuds in and listen to music. I walk to one of my favorite places, this abandoned brick house. I drop my backpack on the ground and climb up to the roof. I sit on the ledge of the rooftop and dangle my feet. This is a place I can call my favorite. I watch the sun go down while listening to music. By the time I leave it's dark out but the sky isn't fully dark. I walk to my "house" when I get there I grab 3 waters and go straight to my room. I don't eat. I go into my bathroom, lock the door and run the water for a bath. When I get in the water it's nice and warm. While I'm in this bath I can't help but think, '' If I drowned myself, who would find me? When I finish the bath I look in the mirror, my mascara's smudged beneath my eyes, my face pale because I haven't eaten. Wow I really am ugly. I don't bother cleaning my face. I go into my room and throw on some Pjs. I lay down on my bed, put my earphones in and listen to music. When I wake up I take my earphones out. I throw on a pair of Jeans and a sweatshirt. I make myself a sandwich for lunch. I slip my sneakers on. Then I'm on my way to school with my earphones in. I walk into my first period class with my hoodie on hiding my fucked up hair, my mascara smudged beneath my eyes. I find my seat, next to Lexi Raya. She's beautiful, she has gorgeous dark skin, and gorgeous black curly hair. The class goes by slowly. But now I'm at break. I catch a glimpse of Mason talking to someone, it's Lexi. He's laughing at something she just said. I'm glad he's happy I really am but part of me wishes I still had him. The rest of the day goes by in a blink of an eye. I get home and grab some leftovers from the fridge, I take them to my room, I sit in the middle of my bed, put my earphones in, and eat with music. I can't help but think of Mason with Lexi it makes my heart hurt. I know I should be happy for him but I just miss him. Lexi's better for him anyways. I grab my phone,  slip my sneakers on, walk out the door, and start running to the beach with my earphones in.

I get to the beach 2 hours before the sun's supposed to go down. It's empty. Another one of my favorite places. I find a spot close to the water but not too close. I watch the waves come in. I get up,slip my sneakers off, roll my jeans up, and next thing I'm running to the water. I dance in the water till the sun goes down. This is my happy place, a place that brings me happiness. I grab my shoes and walk on the sidewalk barefoot with my shoes in my hands. I make it home before my foster parents get back home. I shower quickly and slip pjs on. I go to bed. Someone once said 'the worst thing is waking up in the morning just as sad as you were the night before' I never thought I would relate to quotes like that but here I am looking at it realizing I relate to the quote more than I thought. I think about dying every second of every day, when I wake up, when I go to school, when I'm walking, when I'm showering, and right before I go to sleep. If I were to fall asleep and not wake up. I wouldn't want people wasting their energy, I wouldn't  want people wasting their tears, I wouldn't want people to feel sad for me. Most people would want people to do the opposite but me I wouldn't want you to care. I finally manage to get out of bed and get ready for school and just like that I'm out the door with my earphones in my ear and on my way to school. At lunch, I find myself watching Mason and Lexi together wishing I was her, wishing I had her life. Jealousy can really damage someone.