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𝗠𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗮 𝗟𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿𝗶 should really stop promising her brother things. He's a bad luck charm. Seriously. The second she promises him something, she goes and does the exact opposite. So when she promised she would keep Lexi, she did the exact opposite. She and Lexi haven't spoken a single word since the conversation on the swings, and Montana finds herself feeling weirdly pretty lonely.
She shouldn't feel this way, though. She cuts ties with people all the time. When things start going good for her, she gets those scissors and cuts the ribbon for no reason at all. And she never misses the person she leaves behind. They miss her of course — who wouldn't miss her, she's Montana fucking Lestari — but she feels absolutely nothing for them in return. In her mind, she just made her funeral a little cheaper.
But like all things lately, when it comes to Lexi Howard, it's different. She thinks about the brunette girl at least ten hours of her day, and the last two hours she spends with her finger hovering over Lexiʼs name on her phone, while she fantasies about writing a suicide note and blaming Lexi for it to make her feel guilty for bailing. And she knows it's crazy, maybe even a little psychotic, but she doesn't know how else to deal with these feelings. She has never felt them before and it terrifies her to the state of panic attacks.
During her time away from the world — if the world was Lexi Howard —, Montana has participated in the binge of her life. Empty delivery packages of Mcdonalds, KFC, Five Guys, Chick-fil-A, Wendy's, literally every fast food restaurant in America, lie on the floor of her bedroom at Fezoʼs. Then, when she runs out of money, she moves onto the snacks around the house. And when she picks one snack, she can't leave the kitchen until all the snacks are gone. She wants to stop, she really fucking wants to, but she physically can't.
Many teen TV shows glamourise the act of binge-eating. They make it seem like you put on sad music, cry a little and just dig your hand into a cake and begin to stuff it all down your throat, then it's over just like that — all while having your makeup done up and nails freshly painted. But no. They've got it completely wrong.
If they had it right, if all binge-eating was was eating a cake with your bare hands, then Montana would've stopped eating days ago. However, this is reality, and while there is food surrounding her, she can't stop until it's all gone. She's not even hungry, but she can't stop.
The worst part isn't even the eating. Montana really wishes it was. But the worst part is what comes after. What comes when you realise you've spent a whole week laying on your ass and licking BBQ sauce from greasy plates. What happens when the guilt finally attacks you.
Montana has done this before. Montana has been hospitalised for this many times. Montana dreads seeing the dentist because they're the first people to call her out on it. But she's filled with so much shame and she knows no other way to get rid of it.
