Memento mori || Jongsang ✓

23| Warrior

He is going to war again, Jongho has told him. And it makes him more than restless to know that he will go back to days of terror. Back to the raw reality of being a knight; something no one ever has wanted him to be. But Yeosang must fight.

The far corners of his head are twisting and turning, as his face is contorted in underlying protests against the matter. It has been a long time since he believed in fairytales, but he did that once. Now, the world has no place for one to do that, and he fears what it will make him do.

While his back is resting against the sturdy apple tree, he sorts the surfacing thoughts that enclose himself. The cool stench of rainwater trickles down his forehead as the wind has brought it under the shield of the tree's branches. It might not be as comfortable as it should be, but Yeosang finds tranquillity from the calm, sorrowful scenery that stretches out from the fortress. Glancing across the view, he tries to remember the first impressions of this place.

They were awful. He had been forced to church by a tall, arrogant knight who despised him more than what his own father did - the one whose brother is secretly sinning with another man. And Yeosang had been sick with a fever caused by lack of warmth and starvation when the hypocritical words of the pastor had told him that the world would be more forgiving if he just believed in the good. As if believing would be the reason to change when his life was falling to pieces that never could be put together again. The boy had been left alone in a world that always takes you for granted and he had fought himself to where he stands now because no one else had actually been there to help him. Not even San or Jongho - they had only been there to guide him. A gruesome selfish place where believing in the good would only ensure one's failure.

He remembers the day he had seen Choi Jongho for the first time. The way the gracious knight had steered his destrier through the wide meadows so easily that Yeosang knew he had to fear him. He had felt his heart's beat quicken the moment he had noticed how manly the other was, and he had stalled when his eyes had been caught in the blue and the brown eye. When thinking about it, Yeosang's subconscious mind must have known that Jongho would soon have a huge impact on his life, even if they had just met. The smile settling around his lips is pure and genuine and so real, that his leaping thoughts start to hurt.

Jongho must be his destiny, he presumes.

He licks the water clinging to his lips, before raising himself up from the wet ground. Yeosang has grown insensitive to the weather's coolness, but sitting here until everything has turned dark will only grant him trouble. They will be leaving soon.

Yeosang pushes the old wooden door open and enters the grand building to the scrambling sounds of impatient horses and bustling knights. The stable is filled with the smell of raking fear and it makes Yeosang uneasy. His feet follow the path in the middle of everything, and he pushes through the cramped place to where he knows Jongho will be. Every now and then, Yeosang licks his lips, feeling how his whole being swallows every sense around him, unnoticed by its gravely.

Jongho is in the midst of pulling the saddle onto the back of his horse when Yeosang reaches the stall. The boy's gaze lingers on the man's drawn face while he works the buckles strapped. His broad frame seems cold and tense, making the boy want nothing else but to bring his arms around him and keep them there forever.

Crossing his arms, Yeosang secures his fingers around both his arms to keep himself from doing foolish things, and he steps around the opening and leans himself up against the framework. Barely any moment passes before Jongho's eyes have caught his life as if the boy's mere thoughts are pulling invisible strings on him, and Yeosang has to bite his lip too while remaining from going along with his urges. He lets his gaze slide down along the knight's throat, coming to see how he also swallows tightly and it only reveals how he is not the only one fighting a war in his mind.