Our Fears

|Our Fears| Chapter 6

The police officers gave me a letter which apparently was for me.

I initially didn't want it, because I was scared to read it, but it was the last thing from him for me.

2 weeks later, I still didn't open it. It just stayed there, in the same bowl with keys.

I fetched the letter from the bowl and took a few long breaths.

When I opened it, my brows furrowed. it wasn't a letter.

It was a CD.

I hurried to open my laptop and put the CD on my laptop.

A recording.

I breathed in.

"Hi.
Oh God,  I have no clue how am I supposed to do this thing.

Winter, I want to tell you something. If you ever see this recording, then this means I'm gone. That I'm out of your life forever either death. And I'd prefer death rather than your rejection.

I want you to know that you are the most special person in my entire life. That you made my life easier since the first day I've seen you in that park. I knew it from that first second that you'd change my entire life. That you'd make me look easier to love.

But there are darker parts of me, that I'd never want to show you. Dark parts of me that would've stained you. And you're so beautiful and way too pure to get dirty with such ugly things.

But I'm afraid that you've seen a dark part of me, Winter.

I wish I could take the time back and try to control myself better.

I thought I've had my anger issues under control, but when I saw you with that guy, I lost it and I feel like I'm failing you.

I'm so sorry for interpreting things wrong, but especially for hitting you.

You should have left me that day.

You deserve someone to love you for real. Not someone who's too damned like me.

You deserve to be happy. Believe me, you deserve it so much, baby. And I'm so sorry that I'll never be able to make you truly happy, the way you truly deserve to be happy. But I guess since you are listening to this right now...

I guess I'm not there anymore.

And it's fine, baby.

It's for the best.

I wish I would've been brave enough to let you go before things got into this situation.

But, we can't change the past.

And that's okay too because there is still time to fix the future.

Please don't cry. Save your tears, my love, because I don't deserve them.

It's hard to say this, Winter. But as much as I want to keep you mine forever, I can't. I can't do this to you. I love you too much to be selfish with you.

So I'll let you go.

If I'm dead or out of your life, I want you to learn to love again. This time promise me you will love someone worth the time and your love.

But I'll be enough selfish, to ask you to remember one thing:

I love you, Winter, and don't forget that."

And I breathed out.

Tears dried on my cheeks. My eyes are red and my hands are shaky.

Why did you have to die? I would've forgiven you. We could've gone through this together. We could've solved it out together.

Please, I beg you, come back, Atlantic. Please. Just come back.

If you'd be here, now I wouldn't be crying in front of my laptop, with these pills in my hand.

If you come back, I won't take these pills. I will drop them and we will solve all the issues between the two of us, we will do it together.

It's not fair of you to let me do this alone.

Why, Atlantic? Why?

What if...

What if one day I won't remember you? What will I do without you? How will I live without you? Did you even consider all the suffering I would have to go through?

Why didn't you think of all of this before Atlantic?

What if I forget you?