Timeless

Impair

"Breaking news live. Two people were found dead this morning at Worth Street. The police

received a dispatch call around two in the morning and this was what they found

when they forced entry in a small lodge." The news anchor referred to the video clip shown on screen. There were distorted figures of bodies on screen. It was too gruesome and whoever did it was evil. I've seen people get mad and loathed one another but I didn't realize things could actually get this

ugly. Actions are easily done but the question is not always how, it's actually why. Motives make it difficult for any investigation to be carried out.

"The assailant still remains unidentified by the authorities. This incident is

currently under investigation as there was no witness when this mischief

happened. A week ago there was an incident similar to this. We advise the

public to stay vigilant especially at this hour. I'll be back for more news

updates. I'm your news anchor, Karen."

I tapped the off button on the remote control. I should really stop thinking about these things. I shouldn't be stressed or be slightly worried about petty things. I shouldn't worry about things that don't concern me. A little worry means a slightly unbalanced health scale. I can't risk anything. It has been months since I have been like this.

It all started in that motel. Whenever I try to remember the details of what

happened there it gives me a shock. I couldn't breathe and panic consumes my

consciousness. If I want to go back as an operational being, I have to be well.

I have to get over this. I heard something fell on the floor. I looked to the direction of the sound. It came from the dining room. It may be a cat. It may be an animal trying its best to claw something out of the food cover I had on the table. I willed myself to get up coz part of me didn't want to care whatever caused the sound. Everything was as is when I approached the dining room. That was weird. I was certain I heard that soft thud coming from here. I spun on my heel and told myself to leave until one thing caught my eye. There was macchiato spilled on the floor. I began to question myself at the sight of it. This happens to me sometimes. There were plenty of things that I couldn't remember what I did in the morning. I can't remember what I still do every time. They said it was just my anxiety eating me away but with these bizarre things happening to me when I'm alone, I'm starting to believe that it has to be something else. I obliviously reached the kitchen. There was something cooking in the microwave. I didn't and don't use it on top of that. Why was there something in it? A sweat dropped from my forehead. Damn it. I was sweating without realizing it. I leaned at the side of counter to steady myself. I didn't want to have another episode of ugly nightmares. I didn't want to go back to therapy everyday, not that I felt better now. I steadied myself. It was a bit of challenge to focus on the cupboards. The microwave was set to five minutes. Panic started kicking in my gut. I had to call 911. Someone broke into my house, turned on the microwave and put something in it, accidentally spilled macchiato on my table and gawking at me for a long time. I used to believe that they gave me a really tight security system at home. I felt aguish coz I firmly refused to be watched by the guards. I didn't think I could breathe with endless pairs of eyes leering at me carefully watching my every move. Just the thought of having them suffocates me. All those thoughts were totally wasted ones. If anything happens to me now I couldn't blame anyone for it.

"Did I startle you?" I was about to pass out when he entered the room. I looked at him from head to toe maybe I was almost looking dumb. My sight was so unsteady. I could hardly tell if he was a friend or a foe. He walked some more steps towards me and he could tell I was uneasy. I dropped the phone on the floor and I felt my body limp against the drawer.

"How did you get in without setting off the alarm?" He suddenly looked worried as if not noticing my condition earlier. Then he rushed to me, our eyes leveled.

"Are you okay? Do you need to go to a hospital? What happened? Why are you looking like this?" And plenty more questions erupted from his full firm lips. I brought myself to a more comfortable sitting position as I held onto him. He patiently waited for me to answer. He didn't dare remove his ken from me. He always looked at me like he could directly see my soul.

"I'm alright. That is what I want to believe. But you didn't answer my question. How did you get in without setting off the alarm?" I almost yelled at him. I felt my throat strain, my vocal cords constricted as if someone choked me to prevent me from speaking. I never thought speaking could this be difficult when you're suffering from anxiety.

"I have a key. I have your passcode. Agent Ade gave it to me. He sent me here to check on you since you firmly refused to be accompanied." There was a slight sarcasm in his voice.

I wanted to playfully punch him like I used to before but so many things had

happened and those things changed us in some ways. Well, if my condition isn't

enough to validate it. It sure changed something between us. He had been more

worried. The dark circles under his eyes told me he spent sleepless nights

being worried. And I, on the other hand didn't think that much.

I didn't tell him just what happened. So I nodded at him and closed my eyes as if it would calm me a bit. I was starting to feel heavily nauseous. There was still one question that left unanswered. Was he the one who spilled macchiato and left the microwave cooking? My lips felt heavy like I was wearing a gag. Crap was all I could think of.

I decided to let it slip. Maybe it was him or maybe not. I was relieved by his presence.

I was too tired to think and not to think. I looked at him for the last time. The last thing I remember was he took me into his arms and hummed that familiar song.

I couldn't remember how long I rested in his arms. It was a

comforting thought that he stayed, cradling me in his arms. I knew I wasn't

supposed to feel that way. I knew that I was not allowed to feel anything

towards him but the more I was with him, I felt myself steadily falling for him again. Before I continued with any other thoughts, I started thinking what it was like to

give myself and receiving only pieces of what I gave. You may think love doesn't

need to be measured. But would you rather not receive anything coz you didn't

measure what you've given? Everything in this world is give and take.

My thoughts were messy. If someone was able to look into it would

definitely swear not to look again.

I drifted off once again.