Oh, Be My Dawn, Sweet Heart! (Only Sample)

5. The Flashback

Imayal’s PoV

I just couldn't come to terms with my own words. How can I talk to him like that? His genuine surprise embarrassed me more than he could imagine. I felt a bit thankful that I chose to talk in a lower tone. It is because of that my grandparents couldn't hear what I just blabbered. I could not imagine what they might have thought if at all they happened to hear what I just said. They would just build a castle in the clouds thinking that I said ok to study because I am ok to marry Indar mama. Not only that, with my stupid choie of words, they would think that I am in love with him and was feeling shy to admit it to him in front of them. God!

“I…uh… I want to talk to you alone, please, mama.” I still maintained my low voice.

“Um… I think I saw some books that will help you in our library. Come with  me, I will show you.” He said and stood up from the chair. I released the breath that I was holding until then. I stood up and followed his footsteps to the outside with a grateful glimpse at him, he has actually managed the situation better. Though he is a playboy, he is also a gentleman!

“Thatha, I will take care of her college matters. I have to go. I will take your leave, appatha.” He bid bye to them as he walked out. 

“The breakfast is ready, Indar. Eat and then go.” Ammachi tried to stop him but he took long strides after kissing her on her cheek that made her laugh. 

The library he was talking about is a shelf in the temple in our village. It is open to all and is the idea of Indar mama. After he finished his UG in Chennai, he came back to our village and started this library. He put all his UG books in a glass doored shelf and asked everyone in the village to use them if it interests them. He did his UG in agriculture and his books were useful to everyone in the village. But only youngsters know to read in our village so he even gave money to youngsters who volunteer to read and explain the books to the villagers. Later, all the people in the village started to drop in books that they don't read anymore to the library and the library grew in size. Now, in the last year, Indar mama spoke to the government library in the town and made arrangements to bring in novels and other books that interest the villagers every friday. 

“Now tell me?” Indar mama asked me as we walked to the temple that is round the corner of our street. I was brought to my senses by his gravelly calm voice that flipped something in my stomach. It is the usual feeling I get when I hear his deep voice. It is a sense of fear.

“Mama, Ammachi and appuchi are not in their best of health in recent days. Ammachi cannot stand for a long time in the kitchen to cook. She often gets dry coughs. Appuchi also gets cramps in the legs often. Even he comes home every now and then from the fields as he cannot bear his nerve and muscle pull. I cannot go to regular college when they need me the most. Since the evening college is only at 4pm, I get enough time in the morning to do all the chores and take care of them. I can get back home at 8.30 and can cook dinner as we eat dinner only at 9pm. Nothing will change, I can take care of them as usual. That is why I opted for the evening college.” I told him in a go without looking at him.

“I know they are getting old! I will do the needful. I truly appreciate your sense of responsibility, Imaya!” He patted my shoulder and walked back to our home. I could not believe that he appreciated me and even gave me a pat! I ran behind him with a happy smile. I didn't know that his appreciation would make me this happy.

“Alright, I will bring the application tomorrow. See you.” He tried to hop on his bike. 

“Mama, one minute. Breakfast is ready. Don’t skip breakfast, mama. Come in and eat.” I told him in a little voice. I know he won't go back home to eat breakfast.

“I gotta go..” I cut him off as he tried to deny it.

“Please, mama!” He came in without a word after my request. He didn't see me or say a word to me for the next 20 minutes he was in the house, eating breakfast. I gave him hot crispy dosas and I felt like I was showing my gratitude for his appreciation. His neglect did make me feel a discomfort but this is not new to me, I am used to this avoidance for almost 6years now.

I still remember the good old days when we came to Adhiyur for my vacation. This is my mom’s native place. Those days, ammachi, appuchi, Ravi mama, Ambika athai, Indar mama everyone lived in the same house, the house now Indar mama living in. I loved coming here as our house in chennai is in a place where you can never see a tree but here, the whole village is covered in lush green. I also loved the care and love I got from everyone here. I was treated like a princess for the whole month I was here. Indar mama would take me to our fields and will take good care of me. He would buy me everything that I asked for with his pocket money. I still remember how I would hang on his neck and cry my eyes out every time we went back to Chennai.

“I cannot be real!” I hit my forehead for my stupid thought. My stupid brain imagined like me crying hanging on Indar mama’s neck, only that we are grown in the imagination. It made my stomach feel the same discomfort again and I tried to recall other flashbacks to deviate my discomfort.

I was in my 7th standard when my parents passed away. I still could not come to terms with their loss. I remember my mom kissing me on my forehead as she sent me off to school that morning. I went with my dad in a red car to my school that day. I remember my dad  giving me a hug and asking me to be a good girl. I was called to the principal’s room towards the end of the day and I was informed about the accident. My aunty (dad’s sister) was there to fetch me. She said that they were admitted to the hospital. I ran with her while praying to all the gods I know to save them and bring them back to me. But she took me to our home. 

I kept asking her to take me to the hospital to see them but she kept dodging me. Slowly our house got crowded with relatives and dad’s friends. Ravi mama, ammachi, appuchi, Indar mama and Ambika athai came late in the night. I knew something was not right. I ran to Indar mama and he engulfed me in a tight hug. I saw it in his eyes that my parents were no more. I didn't remember anything that happened next. All I remember was Indar mama holding my hand until I came back to Adhiyur. He stayed with me, made me sleep, fed me and took care of me. 

After a week of my parents demise, slowly, people started coming to our home with papers and proofs for money that my dad owed to them. My dad’s sister and her husband took over my house and tried to solve the problem. Ravi mama never interfered in any of the money issues but he said only one thing.

“We will take Imayal with us.”

Nobody objected and I felt a little relieved that I don't have to live in the same house where I saw my parents as lifeless corpses. It took about ten days to get TC for me from the school and wind up all my things. I still remember Ravi mama asking Indar mama to go to Adhiyur after the last rights of my parents as he was in his 12th standard. But Indar mama refused to leave. 

We all stayed in the same house until I was 14 years old. That is when I hit my puberty and that was when the dreadful talk of our marriage started. That is when Indar mama started to avoid me. I didn't understand his behavior and cried a lot because of it. He was doing his UG that time and was in Chennai. He would talk to me on the phone and would be very playful with me when he came home for vacation. But everything changed overnight when he came for my puberty function. He kept his distance from me and stopped talking to me. 

Appuchi and ammachi said that it is not right to keep me and Indar mama in the same house before marriage. So they decided to move to our other house in the same village. Slowly I understood the reason behind his neglect. It hurted me more than when I lost my parents to know that Indar mama was avoiding me because he doesn't like to marry me. But as I grew older, I knew what love is! I stopped worrying about him and started to avoid him for the same reason. I want a love in my life that is not forced. I got to know that will never be possible from Indar mama. 

I couldn't stop the goosebumps that rose on my body remembering everything. I could not imagine how close we would have become if not for this stupid talk of the elders. I truly miss Indar mama being my pillar of support and a best friend. The sense of security and protection I got from Indar mama is incomparable. I couldn't imagine my mental state if not for him at the time of my parent’s loss. It was only because of him that I came out of it.