golden love || taylor swift [discontinued]

21

Everything in this chapter is copied from the Graham Norton show Season 16 Episode 03 with Taylor Swift, Kevin Pieterson, John Cleese and Neil Diamond.

(Taylor's POV)

'Taylor Swift!' Graham shouted and I walked out to Graham and Kevin. John entered as well. 'This is the tallest couch we've ever had!' Graham said. Kevin and John stood up and walked over to Graham. I quickly stood up and joined them in the middle. It felt very awkward.

***

'You wrote a book and you played the cricket.. and you-' I tried remembering what the fuck Kevin did. 'People love hearing him play the cricket..' Graham joked.

'There was this episode of friends where Ross dates this English girl and she- she- her friends, her mates get into a cricket match and he tries to play and like breaks all the bones in his body..' I said. 'Wasn't that Rugby?' Graham asked. 'That was Rugby...' I said. Shit, I'm so embarrassing!

***

'Taylor's mother. She's a warrior, you're mother!' Graham said and I could feel my heart sink. 'Yeah that's putting it very lightly!' I said. 'Is she a worst case scenario person?' 'Yeah, we call her worst case scenario Andrea!' I joked, trying to ease the tension within myself. 'Or, or central intelligence Andrea.' 'Oh she knows everything?' 'Yeah.' 'So she googles everything and somehow navigates her way through the internet. Can't figure out how to work a phone! But she could have all your background information and fingerprints in five minutes!'

'But she's worried for you?' Graham said. 'It's not about her. Everything terrible is going to happen to me.' 'Cause they invent things you couldn't even believe.' John said. 'Like, she walks into my apartment and "kind of lot of candles burning in here". And you think she's gonna go to the fire hazard. You think she's going to say I'm going to burn the place down but she takes a very, very quick right turn to "You know I saw this program on the news that most people are getting lung cancer from candles these days.."' Everyone burst out laughing.

***

'Taylor and, and John have the love of the cats now, you have two Taylor?' Graham asked. 'Yes, I have two!'

'Can we see those pictures again possibly 'cause I asked Taylor what kind of cats they were and you said they were what?' John asked. 'Well, I only have two. He showed a picture of like seventeen cats!' 'Well, that's your future! There goes Taylor, crazy cat lady!' Graham joked. 'That's a few years down the road!' I smiled. 'This is Olivia!' Graham said and showed us a Picture of Dibbles.

'Is that, is that a proper cat? or..' John said. 'Is it damaged?' he asked. I felt the anger rising in me. Did he have the audacity to talk shit about my cat? Even if it was a joke. 'Oh no!' I said, holding the anger inside me. 'That's the weirdest cat i've seen in my entire life!' What would happen if I punched him in the face right now? I stared into thin air, collecting myself. 'John Cleese, you can not say that is the weirdest cat you've ever seen in your life!' Graham said and showed a picture of John's cat. We all burst out laughing. 'It's a monster!' I said. 'That is not climbing your curtains!' Graham laughed.

***

'I'm not a massive fan of cats..' Kevin said and I jokingly moved away from him.

***

'If you don't like a cat. A cat will come and sit at your ankle, a cat will come and sit on your lap! Kevin said. 'That, that's because they're intelligent!' I tried but got cut off. 'A dog wouldn't do that! A dog would say master, master who should I bite next. I much prefer cats they're very unpredictable and cussed, like women!' John said and turned to me.The smile wiped away from my face as I stared him in the eyes. THIS MAN CAN GO TO FUCKING HELL! 'Oh we don't wanna do that!' I said jokingly, but with a serious undertone. Everyone started laughing, including John but I just stared at him with my fake smile.

***

'So, are you single at the moment?' Graham asked me. 'Yes!' I said, but suddenly Linn flashed into my mind. I didn't know why. 'This- This is interesting. I mean, you're Taylor Swift so can somebody ask you out?' he asked. 'Yeah, I mean, they can!' I said, once again thinking about Linn.

***

'Didn't you invite people to your house? Fans to your house..' Kevin asked. 'Yeah!' 'But how do you select them? How do you make people come to your house?' 'So basically I got this idea before I finished writing the album, and I wanted to call it the 1989 secret sessions 'cause I knew before I finished the album that I was most proud of it then any other thing i've done before so I wanted to give my fans a chance to hear it before it came out like a month before it came out!' I continued to explain. 'But I just think Taylor, not to sound like worst case scenario Andrea but- it sounds like a terrible idea!' Graham said and we all laughed. 'The worst! The worst idea!' he continued. 'Was it alright?' he asked. 'Well-' I started but hesitated and everyone started laughing again. 'Never doing it again!' Graham joked. 'The word you're looking for is no.' John said.

'I found them on the internet.' I said. 'Tinder!' John said, making us all laugh again. 'I would go online and I would look at their Instagram pages or their Tumblr or their Twitter or whatever and just kinda watch them for months and months!' I said and everyone laughed again. 'Stalker!' John squealed. 'And I invited them over and, and they came!' I laughed. 'When did you start having these feelings?' John asked. I covered my mouth, laughing.

'This is sweet right 'cause the fans. The fans who got to do it they then want to blog about it 'cause they've had this amazing experience! And it's borderline confusing whether they had a good time or not!' he said. 'Here's some of the blog things. We were asked to go into the living room and sit down you don't know how much I was sweating during that moment I was like the fuq is gonna happen my poor heart could not keep up then all of the sudden she just pops up out of nowhere and appeared out of thin air like David Copperfield and we all died like for real!' We all were laughing our asses off. 'So she says she will be playing her new album for us, let me tell you the noise that came out of my mouth was not human. I legit almost told mama swift to call me an ambulance cause i wasn't going to make it!' he continued reading another tweet. 'I love them so much because they always talk about dying! They're like rest in peace me, R.I,P me, I died, dead!' I said. 'So then we took a little break to stretch our legs and she was passing around rice krispie treats and cookies and I was talking to her mom for a little and then I walked back in and she was like "Hey babe thanks for coming, do you want a treat?" and I was like i would but i think i'm dead.' He read another text. I couldn't stop laughing. 'This is amazing!' I laughed. 'Oh this one's great, "Mid-sentence she stopped talking and pointed at Amanda and said "Amanda! I'm so glad you're here!" Amanda died. Right there. Died."' I burst out laughing again, I remembered that and Amanda. 'And finally, finally "Guys just wait for the one she did with imogen heap cause damn. That one slayed everyone to heaven and back while listening to this song i literally had to plan my funeral arrangements cause I wasn't going to make it!"' I huddled over in laughter. 'There's so funny I think I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die right here just dead!' I joked.

*** 

The rest of the interview went pretty smoothly and what felt like forever later I was back on my way home.