Tempest Company

Reflection Two

The bathhouse. I didn't know it then but that morning set me on the road to a destination I never imagined I would reach. I knew all about sex of course and plenty of the students I'd been with at the university had been open about their exploits but I'd never tried it; never even thought about it. I'd been so drilled into duty and role that in many ways I was frigid. Now that I think about it I can remember a few of the students even describing me as a frigid bore. I barely drank, went to bed early and only socialised where necessary. That morning though changed me. It makes me laugh now with what came later but remembering my reaction when my first ever orgasm came kneeling astride a water jet in a bath makes me realise how far I'd already traveled but also how far I had to go. The embarrassment and mortification that someone may have heard me scream out and then the realisation that I'd enjoyed it and didn't care. I remember immediately thinking about the item I'd bought but not yet tried on and initially chided myself for even thinking about it. For weeks afterwards I blamed the poppers and told myself that the water must have had something in it; something which had altered my thinking. Utter nonsense of course and just the cold, logical part of my mind which I had fed so much trying to reassert itself. I did though tell myself to be a little more careful when it came to pressing buttons.I joined the cult as a social member but didn't go back during the rest of the week before we shipped out. In truth I barely made it back to the ship that day; my legs were shaking that much and I pretty much slept the afternoon. The innocence that I still held then vanished pretty quickly after that; not just about relaxing and letting myself enjoy life but also about the reality of day to day life for so many. The rest of that week was spent in preparation, buying supplies and then...then we went out into the stars.