An Easy Guide to World Domination

1. In which the floor is not lava (but you would prefer it was).

April 2nd, Tuesday, Amagasaki, Hyōgo Prefecture

"What the actual fuck."

Uh-oh, somebody's in trouble.

And for once, this somebody is not you!

Should you celebrate? Or should you cry? Your lower lip quivers slightly, the conflicting emotions staggering at the very bottom of your tummy; like, yay, somebody finally came to speak sense into the empty space Atsu-chan calls his brain! but also, nein, nein, nein, somebody is about to see you in the most embarrassing position ever. With no clear resolution in sight, you can only hope for the earth to open and swallow you whole; dying would be so much easier, after all, than dealing with all this mess TsuTsu created.

Well, there goes a little bit of advice for future you; if you don't have any scheduled delivery, for fuck's sake, don't open that goddamned door. On better days, people ever-so-politely blasting your doorbell are either serial killers or vampires; but on worst days? Well, they may just happen to be your best friend.

You lose your train of thought when a hand releases its iron grip on your palm. Taken by the sudden feeling of freedom, woohoo! you don't at first understand what Atsu says, even as the reason for all of your life's problems spins away from you with a nonchalant smile, ready to face the harbinger of death, "Samu, long time no see!"

Suddenly, it's hard to breathe.

That's not good, not good at all, as far as your knowledge goes, not breathing theoretically kills people. Who would have thought that people needed air to live, haha? Not you, that's for sure, but well, ah, it's possible you are slowly suffocating.

Concerning.

Highly concerning.

But what are you supposed to do when your lungs refuse to cooperate, setting your whole body on fire? You can't help it, okay! Samu, he just said Samu! And if that's not the worst possible scenario, then you don't know what is.

Maybe, you think as you try to catch your breath, maybe Atsu-chan mistook somebody for his twin brother, the one he spent his whole life with. That's totally a possibility, right? After all, you've been listening to him curse since you were like four - should children so young even curse? did Osamu care? the answer to both of these questions is nope - and you still don't recognize the said voice, so everything is possible. Also, Atsumu is an idiot, his perception of reality cannot be trusted in the slightest.

Heart thundering in your chest, you peek from behind the blond's back only to quickly pull back. Retreat, retreat, retreat! Your worst predictions came true, Atsu the idiot was right, and the demon lord coming to claim your souls is indeed Osamu Miya himself.

Oh, no, no, no, dear Lord of Darkness, you don't want to deal with him seeing you here, dressed like this, that's the worst possible scenario ever! Even more so with - with - with his demeanor so terrifyingly calm. Seeing Osa-chan so composed is never good; the hellion's disposition may seem hopeful to the common bystander, but you know better than anyone that it's all just a ruse, a facade he dons to hide the storm brewing behind the amber of his eyes.

Oh, how positively, unquestioningly doomed you feel, a freaking tsunami hitting the city would be quite welcoming at this point, pretty please.

You wait for a second, two, three -

No tsunami, damn it.

On a lighter note, Osa-chan's always been sweet to you in clear contrast to how he treats his own brother. So, your position is a bit better than his, yay.