The Dark Days

Chapter Thirteen

I could do it. I thought to myself, holding the mixed herbs, No one would know. It felt more like I was trying to convince myself than anything else. I'd woken up before dawn to pluck basil, lavender, ginseng and cinnamon to crush them together. I couldn't be sure, but I guessed enough to know that if Druig drank this and had a good time with me, he'd fall in love with me. Then I wouldn't have to worry about losing his friendship if it turned out that he didn't actually love me back.

But that love wouldn't be real. It would always have a dark cloud hanging just over it, his love wouldn't be real, it would have been made by me. He might never find out but I always know.

I rolled the vial between two fingers as I sat on my bed, watching Isaac as he slept. He was the last to wake and get ready. Mama, Nana and I were already in our dresses with our hair pressed in curls and coal lining our eyes. In Mama's warped mirror we stood and looked unapologetically empowered as three generations of beauty smiled back at us.

Isaac's teeth chattered beneath his blanket. It was getting colder. The first sheet of snow would fall any day now. I put the vial in my pocket and left the room. Mama stood on the other side of the door, to wake Isaac, when I said, "I'll need to leave for the sea village in the next few days. It grows colder and if we wait too long, the journey could make me sick."

I saw Mama debate between asking me to stay, even if it meant we faced a very real chance of freezing to death and abandoning her own home to accompany me. I squeezed her hand, "I'll be okay. I'm a lot more prepared now than I was last time."

"Because of that man?" Nana called from the chair before the fire, she was referring to Druig. At least she wasn't calling him a boy anymore. Mama patted my cheek, ignoring Nana as always, then stepped around me to rouse Isaac. I walked into the kitchen to check on the oatmeal when I answered Nana, "Yes, Druig. He's shown me a thing or two about defending myself."

"And has he taught you how to defend yourself against him?" Her venomous green eyes shot to me. Where Mama's eyes were the colour of spring in full bloom with fields of grass and trees in full bloom, Nana's eyes were the colour of hissing snakes and cyanide.

"Yes, him too, Nana." It was a concerted effort to keep the bite out of my words. No one could fend him off, I was sure of it. He was trained thoroughly. For men like him, it was best not to be in the position opposite him in a fight. Nana gave me a look of disbelief before returning her gaze to the fire. I walked towards the door, "I'll be back shortly."

"To fetch him, I know." Nana said over her shoulder. From the porch I could see the sun nearly clear the treetops. I hiked up my dress to keep the bottom from dragging on the ground and walked into the trees. The boots, much to my delight, were hard soled. Which were miles better than the slips of shoes I wore daily.

As I approached the small clearing beside the river, I could see Druig standing beside the boulder I usually sat on. He was watching the sunrise above the treetops, waiting until I joined him. He stood with his feet apart and his hands clasped against the small of his back. He was eerily motionless. Deep in thought, perhaps.

I walked through the final line of trees and Druig turned to face me. He was wearing a deep blue tunic with a string black belt, black pants and his usual black shoes. His colours complimented mine in an almost unthought way of. He looked me over, from bottom to top and the smile that grew on his face was enough to bring a blush to my cheeks.

"The beautiful Jane." He spoke slowly, softly and it tugged on something in my chest. I wouldn't use the herbs I'd brewed, not on him. Whatever we had, I wanted it to blossom on its own. And if it didn't, I was prepared to spend my life loving him without reward.