[Tommyinnit Angst] | Oneshot | DSMP | Missing Those You Love Hurts

(but sometimes it hurts more when you can barely remember them)

Notes:  This is my own au, and set right after Tommy's revival, though I am not sure if it is explicitly stated though.
Another thing, we got another boi with memory problems- YOOOO
This is basically just an introduction to my own au

I personally prefer the formatting on Ao3, so once it's been cross-posted I suggest you go read it on there.

-...- is supposed to signify strikethrough, I can't do that on Wattpad

Content warning:
!Swearing!
!Tommy's unhealthy mental state!

.                                                                                                                                                                                                     .

Tommy missed them, he missed them so fucking much.

Not that he could remember much of them, just that he felt loved and wanted when he was with them.  It wasn't that surprising, for quite a while he couldn't remember much of his life before Wilbur at all, not before his 13th birthday anyways.  Not too long after that, he was on the streets, stealing and living off of other people's pity.

Why he was there he couldn't quite tell you at the time.  -He didn't remember.-  Anything he did remember he held dear to his heart, doing his best to not forget it.

Tommy had met Wilbur just before his thirteenth birthday. He was good back then, Wilbur was a lighthouse in the raging storm called life.  -After the election, he was but a shell of his former self.-

Now lying in his bed, he couldn't help but think that he too was but a shell of his former self.  The voice of some part of him that Tommy preferred to keep locked up in its little box whispered, What would they think of you now? You're fucking pathetic.

This is why he rather likes it when it's locked up and away, as it isn't rubbing stupid shit in his face or being an overall little bitch when it's in its box.  Tucked into the furthest corner of his mind next to memories he holds dear, it's quiet.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he registers that he should probably get up, drink some water, maybe eat something.  He's too tired to care, though.  Not when his limbs feel like lead-filled cinder blocks.  So difficult to pick up and move without the proper motivation.

But he's tired.  Tommy is so so fucking tired.  Tired of nightmares, tired of people hating him, tired of being forced to choose between people and things he treasures equally.  Tired of trusting those he shouldn't, of offering his heart only for it to be ripped to shreds.  Tired of hurting.  Tired of being hurt.

What he would do to be with them again, with his family.  With people who cared.  -They could be dead for all you know.-

What he would give to be with his family again, to see his baby sisters again.  To chase Aspen around and through the forests again, to be held in his mother's arms again.  Hell, to even see their faces again.

He missed them, Tommy missed his fucking family.  His family that fucking loved him.  The blood of the covenant is thicker than the waters of the womb, yes.  Though that is only when those that you chose, are not related to you by blood.  When you choose those related to you by blood, their blood becomes that of the covenant, as you have chosen them.  Tommy chooses them.

As currently, any bond Tommy has formed or brought to the SMP, has been either severed, or agonizingly fallen apart.

He's tired.  But he's Tommy fucking Innit, and with the way things have been going lately, he won't sleep till he's dead.

He may be TommyInnit,

But all TommyInnit ever wanted was to be loved.

...

I've been remembering more as of late, little things.

Though that's not what this is about is it now?  No, no it's not.

I haven't been remembering any useful information for a while now.

Honestly?  I thought that was it, no more information that could possibly be useful for finding any sort of way back.

But here's the thing, it wasn't.  As recently, I've remembered something big.

Isn't that great?

You know how I said my name was Tommy Careful Danger Kraken Innit?

Well, it's very simple, actually.

I. Fucking. Lied.

I remember now.

I remember my name.  My full fucking name!  For the longest time, I've only been able to remember a damned fucking nickname.

Alright, I'm kinda glad that's all I remembered now though.  As that is way too fucking formal for me.

                                                                            Signed,
                                Tomathy Eris Innit

.                                                                                                                                                                                                     .

End Notes:  If you can't tell, that last bit is a journal entry.
I wrote that bit in the third person and then edited it to be in the first person from Tommy's POV as I was having trouble with that.
But yea, now you have some lore that I have been sitting on for months.
So many months, holy shit.
But I finally figured out what I wanted to do with this so, here.
Take it and run. Comment if you want, they motivate me.