Project You (HIATUS)

Chapter 26

I couldn't wrap my head around what had happened between Karsen and I that night after he had won his football game. And even when I had a facetime call with Gracie the day after, i'd been completely out of it, and now I was still here, in this place in my mind, still thinking about him.

I don't think I ever remember a guy actually wanting me that way. When I was younger in high school, my acquaintances would tell me I was scary, that I dismissed guys too easily, that I should just have fun, mess around, but I just couldn't feel anything with them no matter how hard I tried to.

When I was trying to figure myself out, i'd initially thought maybe I was asexual, that maybe I couldn't get sexually turned on or something like that, but when Karsen was looking at me, the only thing I could feel was him, the only thing my body wanted was to feel him and it fucking horrified me because it was the first time i'd ever felt that way.

So I left.

Because... what the actual fuck?

I ignored his calls, I ignored his texts, and I avoided him but it wasn't hard because I just didn't go to college for the whole week since I was kinda sick.

I was also trying to straighten my head out, texting Summer to tell her that I was sick and that's all but the much more real reason was that Karsen was driving me to insanity without even meaning to.

This friendship wasn't going to work, we were never going to work, not as anything, not as friends, not even as art partners.

There was something there. Between us.

Just around one month now till we're done with one another forever. And we can do that one month without being with one another all the time, we can make a plan, but I couldn't see him often, not again, not after almost kissing him, or almost letting him kiss me or whatever the fuck that was between us.

Its been around a week since the last day I saw him.

Another game passed, but this time it resulted in a loss, and I wasn't there for him, and I wanted to be, and I had no fucking clue why I cared about him so damn much.

I worried about him.

I hoped he wasn't smoking.

I prayed he wasn't anxious.

I wanted him to be okay.

Part of me was going crazy.

I was walking to class on the following Thursday after receiving the most calls from Karsen than i'd ever gotten before, the heels of my boots tapping against the tiles with every step and I swallow hard, hoping I don't see him today, or if I do, it'll just be in passing.

I had to come back for classes eventually, and over the weekend i'd decided that I had to come back on Monday.

So here I was on Monday morning, walking to my first class with a stupid tea from the cafe Karsen and I always went to, and I was also eating a blue cookie instead of a red one, drinking and eating it because I think I missed his stupid fucking face a little too damn much.

I have no idea what's going on with me.

"You're back!"

I almost trip and fall face flat on the ground, but when I turn and look up its just Summer and I sigh, my shoulders sagging back to normal and I hug her when we meet in the middle.

"Feeling better?"

Not even a little.

"Im fine yeah, how've you been?"