I've never been this nervous in my life. Sure I had been nervous before especially when it came to Hyunjin but never this nervous. Sure we had talked about it a couple of times but never actually explored the idea any further. He knew I was too nervous to actually do anything so he never pushed me into doing anything I wasn't comfortable with. You may be asking what the hell I'm talking about rambling on this long about a subject I haven't even name dropped. Well if it wasn't obvious I'm a virgin. Shocking I know. I have one if the hottest boyfriends in the entire universe and yet here I a still with my innocence, if that's what you could call it. The most we've done is makeup and give a couple of hickeys but never anything too serious. Now here I am completely ready standing in front of our bedroom door. I was honestly just trying to figure out what all the hype was from what Liyah describes it as. I chuckle to myself thinking about how she describes it as one of the best feelings one can ever experience other than being in love but if you have both the experience is even better and I most defienetly WILL have both.
I let out a deep breath before pushing open the door of our shared bedroom to see Hyunjin laying on his back running his finger through his set blonde hair partially brown at the roots to show growth. He was scrolling through an unseen app on his phone most likely Instagram.
"Hyunjin" I finally spoke after what felt like forever causing him to look over his phone and make direct eye contact with me which sent my stomach into a frenzy. Never have I ever been as nervous as I was right now.
"Is everything alright" He instantly sat up noticing a change in my demeanor immediately assuming something was wrong.
"Yes....no.....I don't know" I sighed again and moved closer to where he was sat on the bed close enough for him to take my hand and make me sit down beside him.
"You can tell me anything you know that" And to that I nodded not really trusting my voice in that moment. "So tell me what's wrong, did you and Liyah get into a fight? You and one if the other boys" He sounded genuinely concerned and I smiled to myself thankful for such a loving caring boyfriend.
"No nothing like that, it's just...." I trailed off not making eye contact with him which caused him to put his finger under my chin lifting it up so we could make eye contact.
"It's just...." he copied my trailing off.
"I think I'm ready" I said so fast it was almost inaudible. His eyes slowly widened at the realizing of what I had said once he finally processed my fast past statement.
"Ready....as in ready ready" He was making sure we were on the same page about the topic and I nodded feeling my face get hot at such a simple thing. Couples do it all the time so why am I feeling this nervous especially when it's with someone I love but then that's when it hit me. It's BECAUSE I'm with someone I love. There's was always the intrusive thoughts about what if he didn't like what he say? The most he's seen is me in a bikini so what if the rest of my body isn't what he imagined.
He could sense my worry because he was rubbing small circles on my thigh with his thumb "You're gonna have to relax if you want me to believe you're ready"
I could feel myself getting a bit impatient at this point with how gentle he was being. Of course I wanted him to be gentle but not to the point I feel fragile. Without thinking and with a random burst of confidence my lips smashed into his. I tried to turn it heated like our previous makeup sessions but he held my face to keep that from happening.
"Easy" was all he mumbled against my lips and I immediately felt the nervousness come back along with a rush of heat to my stomach. He noticed this and chuckled. "What happened to all the confidence a few seconds ago" I smacked his arm gently while he continued to chuckle.
