Unexplainable Feelings

1.

Why do you people think there's a reason for your sadness? Why do I need to give people a reason for me to feel such a way? I, myself don't know why I feel that way.

Scratch that, I know exactly why I feel that way. I just don't allow myself to admit it. I don't want to be weak. Maybe others may say, " You're not weak." yet in the household, I was raised in, showing emotions is being weak.

I don't allow myself to feel such emotions. I want to, I do, but I can't. "These voices in my head say so much, making my head feel so overwhelmed," I whisper to myself.

Ringgg

I turn off the alarm. I don't know why I bother to put an alarm knowing I'll wake up before it rings. I stare at the floor debating whether I should get up and get ready or stare for another 10 minutes.

I make up my mind and get up. I decided to take a shower. I was debating on whether I should wash my hair or not. I decided to wash my hair so I could then braid it.

My hair is black and thick. I've been cutting my hair short lately. I've decided to let it grow since my last haircut. I get out of the shower after 20 mins I would've taken longer if it were night.

I get out and decided to wear some brown pants and an olive green sweater, paired with my reeboks. I don't like taking anything to school so I carry a tote bag with my computer and pencils. You can't forget a book. Also, add some jewelry to the outfit. I have an obsession with rings.

I add blush and mascara. I make my way to the kitchen. I never go out of the house without coffee. It's a must-have. I get in the car and drive to school.

I make it a minute before the bell rings. Honestly, the teacher doesn't even care anymore. I make my way in and sit in the back. My vision is pretty fucked. Do I care? No, I only wear glasses when I need to see the screen.

Teachers usually think I'm good and smart so they never really check up on me. I'm fine with that. I suck at testing but overall my grades are good.

'Stop caring for what other people think about you.' that's what I stuck in my head. I've realized that whatever you do will never be enough. Someone will always point something out.

What you like, others may not like. That's okay! As long as you're happy with what you like.

"You should've worked on a glow-up during the summer." the blond stuck-up bitch said. That bitch is Charlotte. She's the type of person you want to smack the living shit out of.

"I wouldn't want to outshine you, yet of course I always do," I say back remembering what happened at Spencer's party.

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Flashback

"Let's go to the party!!" Sage my closet friend says.

My social battery ran out quickly, but this was the last time we could hang out since she had military parents who moved a lot.

"Okay" I say. I actually did want to go because I bought this dress that I haven't been able to wear out. I never really gave a fuck about shit or how people viewed me.

The weekend comes and I'm at her place getting ready. I did a simple cat eyeliner and curled my hair. My dress was black with sparkls. It hugged my body. It had this cute opening in the back.

Sage wore a red dress, the material was silky. Her makeup was on point. Gosh, she looked like a goddess.

We made it to the party. We entered and everything was going well. I and Sage always minded our own business. We never had beef with anyone.

People began staring at us. So much attention on us felt weird so we went to the kitchen for some drinks.

"Alora and Sage, isn't it?" a blond girl spoke.

"Umm, yeah that's us..." me and Sage spoke up.

"I don't know who invited you but you're not welcomed. Especially you're little friend Sage. She fucks my boyfriend and dares to show up to the party." she smirks and throws her drink on Sage.

"Excuse me, but I don't even know who the fuck you are and Jake never mentioned he had a girlfriend. You should be talking and throwing drinks at him." Sage spoke up as I got paper towels to clean her up.

Charlotte grabbed a whole bowl of punch and threw it on Sage, "Oops sorry, I couldn't hear what a slutty bitch like you said."

Sage's eyes began to tear up and I wasn't going to stand there and let some bitch say shit.

I slapped Charlotte "You're the last person who could call anyone a slut. Weren't you fucking Jakes's entire best friend group? Oh and Jake never even dated you. Don't make yourself look like a pathetic bitch."

Jake walks in and sees Sage drenched in punch. "Babe at you okay? Charlotte what the fuck did you do?"

"Babe?" Charlotte questions.

"Get the fuck out." Jakes looks at her dead in the eye with so much hate. He's holding Sage and moving her hair out the way.

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Since then Charlotte hated me for "embarrassing" her. I think we can all agree that she embarrassed herself.

I honestly don't care about what people say, but if you're hurting my friends or trying to make me look less. I'll put you in your place. I don't care who I hurt in the way.