A Million Apologies

Derek Baker: Total Weirdo

Recently, I was recommended by my therapist to journal every day. Basically, everything that seems interesting. So, I did it. I hate writing, but I suppose I don't see a problem with it. I can look back at this notebook when I'm an old grandma with crippling arthritis and diabetes. My therapist told me I was a sadist and this could hopefully help out with that, like being able to read back on this and give me a chance to feel sympathy.

So, today, I'm gonna write about Derek Baker. Famously known within the school as the world's biggest loser, now famously known as the kid who committed suicide at Delta High School in Georgia. Why did he do it? I dunno. Maybe it had something to do with the student-created website revolving around our school and anonymous profiles. It was cruel, really. But did I care? No. No, I did not.

At the time of the incident, like, when his body was found behind the school, I felt this sinking feeling I'd never felt before. It felt like the world crumbled beneath my feet and my stomach caved in. This dumb little hierarchy group around me? Collapsed. Caved in. It almost felt like there was nothing left for me that night. The next morning when they announced it on the speakers? Yeah. Suddenly everyone cared. They never care until you're dead, really. Until you're a stupid rotting corpse, then they suddenly swarm around your inactive social media like you were the most attractive person in the school.

I'm pretty sure it all started with this slut named Millie. Yeah! Her! Millie. Ugh, gotta hate that bitch. She really crossed the line, if there even is one. She invented this cruel game where she would anonymously email some random kid at our school, and basically demand that they write a hurtful comment on the website. 

The website in question had its own little tab named "Derek The Loser" where people would post videos of him getting beat up, pictures of him crying, and so much more. Not to mention hurtful comments, as stated above. 

It sucked when it became my turn to write a comment. Reluctantly, I typed in the website address into Google and clicked on the tab.

I stared at my hands. There was this feeling of sympathy that day. It was kind of like.. I didn't want to write this comment. But, as the rules go, we had 12 hours to write a comment or we become part of this dumb group for losers.

I placed my hands on the keyboard and began typing, "GO KILL YOURSELF YOU WORTHLESS SLUT. DIE ALREADY!!!" I stared at it for a good moment, wondering if this was really the right choice. Then again, thinking back, have I ever made the right choice? I vaguely remember being greeted with the option to: 

A) vape with my friends in the bathroom and skip class;

B) go to class like the good little angel I am.

Of course, being me, I chose to inhale flavored air with my bimbo friends. I know they say vaping and smoking is bad for you, but like, isn't that obvious? I snapped back into reality.

And then, I pressed send.