FORTY

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Death, on its own holds a daunting aspect that is inescapable for all humanity. We've tried to fight it off in any way  whereas others have given up the fight and have chosen to seek comfort in the afterlife.

Depending on which religion one belongs there's this belief our souls remain intact existing between Heaven or Hell.

The death of Sonny Giovanni rocked the city that never slept. To most Sonny was seen as a member of the upper class. His donations saw the prosperity of some politician's careers and others businesses. In the underworld Sonny was a boss, a comrade to some.

Considering how the families had been operating in an aim for more peace, the fact a boss of his stature was killed made the others nervous. Needless to say, there was a demand for a culprit to be brought forward. And receive punishment after Sonny's body was found located on the street in front of Rao's. It was a public gesture on the part of Damian and Lucien who seemed to be making a statement of their own leaving a personal touch of cutting off one of Sonny's fingers.

Though I tried not to think about it a part of me felt they wanted a souvenir, a keepsake to reflect upon of the time they took down a well-known man. That possible reason made me cringe in disgust but Sonny had only brought it upon himself.

Many of Sonny's powerful friends including the Mayor had taken the liberty of writing his eulogy. The heartfelt words used to describe Sonny made me gag at the fact he was far from a good man. Nicky was doing his best to function in the best way he knew how - working.

He had been willing to share how he felt. He had also gone so far as to share his doubts on how well he would handle fatherhood in the environment we lived in. I shared the same fears; but we had to get ready. With the due date nearing we had to be ready in the best way we could.

Within the days that passed we grew to find a new form of normalcy. Eva was hit with another wave of grief that had me going to see her on a daily basis to check up on her.

The once vibrant woman had grown more demure, it broke my heart seeing her like that. I knew she felt it had been all her fault but she had the best intentions when it came to Nicholas and he knew it. Joseph had also been coming by more often to see him. Though I tried not to overthink the visits I was doing my best to remain positive.

I had spent a huge portion of my day with Eva, Marcie and Aunt Elle. It seemed all the women of the family had collectively decided it was crucial we offer support to Eva and do all we could to have the woman crack a smile.

Aunt Elle as well as Marcie had been livid once it came to light what Sonny had done. And Aunt Elle's colorful vocabulary was the only thing that managed to make Eva release a slight chuckle during the course of the day. Nicky had gone out of his way to see her but I could tell there was another issue tugging at his chest that led him to wake up in the middle of the night. Despite wanting to ask him, a part of me believed it had something to do with the fact he would need to fully take up the role of being the Boss.

Waltzing into the kitchen after visiting Eva, I found Nicky by the stove. Wearing nothing but shorts that hung nicely on his waist, the need to be intimate had been dim for some time. But with the hope that things would get better, I took a moment to admire him. It had been the first time I had managed to do so now that we had an opportunity to breathe.

"How is she?" he asked making me jump slightly at the fact he had noticed me without needing to turn his head.

Moving forward I took a seat kicking off my shoes.

"She's getting better. I can see how much she's beating herself over not saying anything initially to your father or you about Sonny."

"She didn't think much about it... I know," he sighed rubbing his shoulder gently trying to knead his muscles. I stood up immediately from my seat to come stand behind him to wrap my arms around him and ease the stress permeating off his body.

"How was your day?" I asked pecking his shoulder blade lightly only to have him grunt. When he turned to face me fully I saw nothing but worry written all over his face.

"I have a meeting with the other Bosses tomorrow night... they'll be officially welcoming me as the new Boss of the family," he said. 

I couldn't exactly tell how he was feeling. If I was being honest I was not particularly thrilled about it. As we stood in that kitchen hand in hand the idea of spending my life having to walk around with a gun wasn't as appealing as those movies made it out to be.

"Looks like we're really stuck, huh?" I mumbled placing my hand gently on his cheek to which he responded by leaning forward to place a lingering kiss upon my lips.

"I don't know if I still have it in me to deal with this shit anymore, Liyah," he admitted.

Upon closer inspection of his face, I could see the tiredness lurking in his sea of blue. The waves in his eyes didn't tousle quite as vibrantly as they used to.

"You said you couldn't get out, so what else can we do but keep moving forward," I replied shrugging my shoulders trying to come across as nonchalant. He chuckled but instead of it being painted in joy, it was sad.

It was a sound that described the slight disappointment at the harsh slap from reality.

"I knew what I was getting myself into when I got rid of him... but I just hate the fact we don't exactly get what we want," he groaned leaning his head against mine.

"And what exactly do we want?" I asked feigning ignorance to have him smile at my tone.

"Freedom."

"You know we can always get that house in a little town one day," I assured. I may have been into the idea of a house with a white picket fence but I'd take anything as long as he was there.

"Maybe," he agreed leaning forward to peck my forehead only to playfully nudge me out of the kitchen to take a bath whilst he prepared dinner. Walking off with a smile on my face, I was unaware of the full weight of that conversation on both of our lives.

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