Gone but visible

Disappearing

~2 years ago~

*phone rings*
I glance up from the couch to see my mother pick up the phone and I look back down and continue reading "The Outsiders" for the hundredth time already. I got lost in chapter 7 but when I found my way out of the absorbent book I caught my mothers eyes. Not just eyes. Dull. Dull eyes. Very dull eyes. Tears were the accessories to those dull eyes.

"It's Holly and Jamie... th...they're dead."

No.

No.

This can not be happening.

No.

They're at a restaurant eating dinner, celebrating their 2 year anniversary.

This can't be true.

I run to my room leaving my book behind. The book Jamie got me a week ago for my birthday.

Me and Jamie have been best friends since first grade. He can't just be dead. I didn't even get to say goodbye. No. This is all a nightmare... I'm gonna wake up and all of this won't be true.

*cries softly but then grows in to screaming and throwing things*

I see mother walk in. She looks like a zombie. I stop throwing things around my room.

"They were on their way to the restaurant when an intoxicated driver ran through the red light and..."

It's true. Isn't it? Why did this happen? Holly was the sweetest girl ever. She helped me get through the divorce with my parents. Jamie was gone because he and his family went on a vacation.

I can still smell her strawberry scented brown hair. She dyed it to a darker brown a week or two ago. She loved the color. She had the amazing light brown eyes. Somedays they had a hint of red in them. She was so positive and ambitious. She was spectacular. Now... No one else will know how spectacular she was.

Jamie was my first friend. He used to get picked on in preschool just like me until I told my mom. We never fought. Never ever. Then in seventh grade we met Holly in our English class. She was new that year and Jessica and her group would verbally and physically bully her. One day Jamie saw Jessica push Holly into the lockers and that's when he fell in love with her. He ran up to them and told them to leave her alone and they did. They've been head over heels for each other ever since then.

"JUST SHUT UP ALREADY! I GET IT! MY ONLY FRIENDS ARE DEAD OK! I FUCKING UNDERSTAND! I CAN HEAR YOU! STOP TELLING ME!"

I ran out of my room. I grabbed a box from the hallway closet and ran out the door. I knew where I was going and my mother probably does too.

*walks to a pond*

The pond... This is where I told Jamie all of my secrets... This is where we both had our first kiss. This is our escape. Well...was...

I open the box. In fifth grade me and Jamie wrote each other notes and put it in s box. One note everyday for a year. We promised not to open the box until we absolutely need to. I needed my best friend tonight.

Each note was a different word. The word was written all over the page... Not one space on the page was blank.

I read the last note which said "So you've reached the each of the year, huh? Well you're probably wondering why I write all those words right? All 364 notes are"

That's all it said. Nothing else. It's like he was interrupted. Nothing but those words were left. Not a clue.

~Present~

Today is the first day of my junior year. I haven't been to school since the car crash. I was about to start my freshman year but after the tragedy I just stayed home and did all my work online.

I'm extremely nervous... The last time I was at school Jamie and Holly were by my side and now... The only thing by my side is the awkward group of math geniuses that are talking about what happened.

As I'm walking through the front doors "Welcome To The Black Parade" by My Chemical Romance starts playing. It brings a smile to my face but just for a split second. That's the first concert me and Jamie went to. I wish I could go back to that day. That day...

"Hey, my name's Kimberly."