I find myself obsessed.
Someone mentions their dad and my eyes light up. I want to hear everything. Any stories they may have, any thoughts, issues, habits.
I realized that I knew nothing about you and I wish that were different. I wish we were closer. I wish it wasn't always distant. I keep thinking about you and how I should've been a better son or even just a friend, but I wish you would've seen that in me. All I wanted was to know you.
But right now I could hardly remember who you were before the bad thing happened. It feels very vague and that hurts like hell because I know that my memory of you is going to be of that when you were sick - a version so pure of you but still very oppressing. There was so much in you that never came out and now you're gone and it's gone with you.
All that remains are the stories of others with you. Those live forever and I lose myself in them because I just wanted to know you.
Through everything, I'll remain a piece of you.
You can be as mad as a mad dog at the way things went. You could swear, curse the fates, but when it comes to the end, you have to let go.
Filled with regrets and anger, I find myself at the same spot I've been at. Still hurt and always missing you. Hating the fact that others got to know you and I didn't, and having to know you through them.
I just miss you, and I wish you can feel me from up there.
God I wish there is an "up there".
