JANUARY
prompt #2: "Write a songfic"; suggested by ara on HHH
SONG; "Jigsaw" by Conan Gray
☀︎︎
"If changing my clothes would make you like me more; if changing my hair would make you care, then I'd grab the kitchen scissors and cut myself into slivers for you"
Kenma leaned towards his sink, grabbing chunks of his hair. He raised the scissors, chopping sloppily. He couldn't see where he was cutting or how his hair looked; all he cared about was getting rid of every lock that connected him to his old self.
Maybe if you change, he thought. Maybe if you looked cleaner, looked nicer, smiled more, people would like you. Maybe they wouldn't bother you as much.
If being more polite would keep you satisfied; if being less insane would make you stay, then I'd be more like my sister. Say, "Thank you, Ma'am and Mister" to you, for you.
He wished he could be more like his family. He wished he could be nicer and more outgoing and everything else. Kuroo had always told him that he never needed to change, but that was Kuroo, and Kuroo Tetsurou was usually wrong.
I've changed every part of me until the puzzle pieces aren't me, at all.
He couldn't even recognize himself anymore. Who was he? His younger self would be disappointed in him for thinking that he'd have to change himself just to fit in. He hated standing out, so he did what he could to make himself fit in.
If that meant giving himself a haircut and dying his hair again, so be it.
I look in the mirror, now I'm just a jigsaw.
The person looking back at Kenma in the mirror wasn't him. It was a fractured whole, trying to appease everyone he saw to fit in with them. He felt like a jigsaw puzzle. Only put together and seen when everyone pieces it together.
All I did just to make you happy. Still, you don't even f**kin' love me!
He was tired of trying to fix himself to be like other people. All he'd been trying to do was make it easier for everyone else to work around him. He tried to stay low and fit in. Why did he feel like it wasn't working?
Why did he feel like a puzzle with a missing piece, right in the center?
