Eternally Yours

Chapter 37

After we spent the night tangled in each other's limbs, I woke up to an empty space where Kate had slept. I slipped out of the covers and dressed in pair of shorts, and grabbed a loose fitting tank from the corner chair on my way out the door. I pulled it over my head as I walked down the stairs. The house was quiet except for the light strum of a guitar. Kate was up early. An artist never rest. Even when I lived with Kate for a short while, she was up early writing. As I reached the living room on my way to the kitchen, I saw her. My Just Kate. She was slouching on the leather sofa, her head bent. She was scribbling something down. She strummed a few notes and then write. I mumbled passing through, "Morning, love." Kate raised her eyes to me. Aw, she looked so adorable wearing glasses. They were Gyu's wire rimmed glasses. She had Gyu's guitar in her lap. She forced a smile. Oh no. She was writing about heartache. I saw the tears that wanted to fall. She was regretting last night. Us. I'll forever be torn between Kate and her love for Gyu. No matter how I want all ofher, she always drifts back to him. I know she's engaged to him, and it is her right, and I guess in the back of my mind I'm praying Gyu doesn't come back. That's ugly of me I know. He's my friend. And I want to make his girl mine. Forever mine. Even after spending an unforgettable night together, I can't help but to smile at her. I'd rather ache and suffer as long as I am able to have some part of her. She lifted her chin at me, "Morning. I hope I didn't wake you."
There was even tears in her voice. I came to her and moved her songbook aside, filling the seat next to her. I had to know right now. I gazed at her, feeling myself melting in front of her, "Kate, tell me I'm not the cause of your tears." She smirked, running a hand through her tangled hair, "Junnie, I'm not crying. If you're asking if I wished last night didn't happen, my answer is no. I'm glad it did. I needed it. I needed you." I cleared my throat, "But you're thinking of him." She nodded, not denying a thing, "Yes. I am. I love him, Junnie. I wish he was here with me. I'm just trying to piece together why it was so important for him to leave me. What would it solve with Soobin anyway? And I don't know how long I'll be alone." I took the guitar from her lap and laid it on the coffee table. I turned to her and cupped her face,  "Kate, you're never alone. You have me. You'll always me. Whether Gyu is in the picture or not." She covered one of my hands with her own, "Thank you, Junnie. I called Stan today. I'm going back to work. Tonight." My hands fell away. Where had that come from? She needed to rest. To heal. This was too soon. I asked lost in confusion, "Kate, don't you think you need a break? You just underwent something major." She pouted, "Junnie, I know you mean well, but I need to get back. I
can't let what Soobin did to me set me back. He may
have hurt me, but I can't let him see that he broke me.
I'm stronger than that. Besides, I'm enjoying
performing again. I didn't realized I missed it so much.
Until that day at the lodge. It's a thrill. A rush. You
understand where I'm coming from. You love it too. I
know I'm not known like you and Cookie. And I know I
never will be. I'm just a peon. Just a side gig. I need
this to give me something to do. Something to keep
me occupied until Cookie comes home to me."  I grimaced rising to my feet. Jealousy crept up inside me. I was hoping last night was our chance for a new beginning. She was willing to hold on, hold on to Gyu. I couldn't deny her that. He loved her first. Long before me. They had something more beautiful than I ever dreamed was possible. They had friendship. They had love. They had what I always wanted. I fell in love with Kate before we were friends. Before I even knew her. I saw something in her eyes that drew me in. She was my friend, no doubt, but I didn't know like her like Gyu. I didn't know her ins and outs. Or her deepest fears. I didn't really know when to pull her in or hold her close. Gyu knew all this and so much more. Gyu knew the woman I wanted inside and out. Gyu loved her. All of her. Just not bits and pieces. He loved her when she was strong, when she was weak. I loved my Just Kate, but did I love her for the right reasons. Did I love her like Gyu? Or was I just loving her simply because she was here, and because I could? Was I truly, madly, deeply in love with her? Or was I only in love based on her looks? She's beautiful. She's sexy. She's natural. She's everything I used to dream about. Wish about. She drives  me crazy. Drives me wild. She made me realize the man I wanted to be. She loved me when I was unlovable. That was one thing that made me fall so hard for her. She was the first I had opened my heart up to fully. I let her see deep inside my soul.
Never before had I'd let another girl too close to me. I
let them love me, but not like Kate. With Kate it was full throttle. Hard. Fast. Nothing like I'd ever known. And the only thing I ever want to know. I don't want to know love with anyone else. Only Kate's love. Call me
lovesick for her. Because I was burning up. She kept
me turned on. Excited. Even now. I must had been
staring too long because Kate bit on her lower lip. She
asked with a flirty smile, "What, Junnie?The wheels are spinning but you're mouth isn't moving."