patience is key

ch. 5

we met up a few hours later at an semi-crowded restaurant. i was so nervous, my hands and legs couldnt stop trembling and i felt weak in the knees when i saw him approach me with a small, inviting smile. his messy hair was washed and perfectly parted down the middle. he was wearing an all black suit, his septum piercing and ear piercings were black to match instead of silver. his hands were buried in his pants pockets and he was gazing down at me silently. i felt like i was burning and my heart was beating out of my chest. i stammered, unable to say anything.
"you look good" he said, his smile widening a little.
i tried to thank him but all i could do was stutter and mumble whilst flustered. this made him chuckle a little& took one of his hands out of his pocket and held it out infront of me. i took it without a word, my face beaming red. the things you do to me
we were now sitting at a table and i was hunched over a little so that i could hide my red face behind the menu. he probably regretted asking me out, i couldnt even spark any conversation because i was so nervous. i could feel him gazing at me. the silence was loud, so loud that i could hear my shaky breathing and the small taps the menu made when it hit my trembling fingers repeatedly. he pushed the menu down so that he could see my face, i looked up to see his grey eyes clouded with worry and one of his eyebrows raised a little with concern.
"is this all too much?" he asked in a calm but soothing tone.
"n-no.. i'm sorry.." i stuttered. "my min-mind's just going" i said quieter
he pushed the menu down onto the table flat and then ran his hand through my hair gently, petting my head for comfort.
"you dont have to be so tense, im not judging you.. just admiring you" he reassured me with a gentle smile
his words brought me so much comfort but the headpats made my whole body burn with curiosity, what else can them hands do😏. once i nodded he took his hand off my head and fixed his chain
"what do you want to eat?" he asked, looking back at me
"ill have w-what youre having" i stuttered, pinching myself in embarrassment. (jaxon didnt notice this)
he scratched the back of his neck while browsing the menu. "alright" he finally said a few moments later, closing the menu and stacking mine ontop of his.
he waved the waiter down and ordered for me, ignoring her flirtatious comments and body language. i was happy that he noticed my social anxiety and took initiative but why do i feel a little angry? why was my heart aching with frustration and sadness