Random Stories

"Deep thoughts lead to distraction."

TW: Depression, Swearing, Body Dysphoria, Harmful Comments

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I looked out the window of my uber, watching single raindrops fall down from the sky seemlessly and gently. Holding every intention and thought i had to jump out of this car and run around back. 
Weird i know.

The outside seemed peaceful,calming. Calmer then the life I live, and would like to move on from, but even if we run so far, theres no way to escape the deep problems embroidered into your brain until you pick it out one by one. It seemed harder then trying to get out of bed each morning, knowing the feeling of guilt,hatred and stupidity fall over you even when you hate yourself inside and out. The way i look, talk, think, speak, feel, touch; Litrally all senses but including hate against my body.

Why was i different? What made me unhappy? How did i become like a sad little girl when her Ice Lolly falls off of her stick but the constant feeling of "It was your doing"? I had no awnser to these questions, no way to find an explanation to explain how i felt. How i feel.

People disliked me, and i disliked people in general, but they had no right to bring an innocent child down to their knees and say " You are not good enough, Worthless b!tch." I should've pushed them out, but i was too tired. Too tired to try, to care, to digest the words they spoke and say, "No! I am good enough, Im not worthless, I am Me. Thats who I will stay and be."

I lost myself a long time ago.

In a short summary, I hate my body, my personality, my being, myself, my face and most of all my mind. The constant voice telling me what i am to everyone, a peice of fucking shit, Saying they are staring at me. I hate it all and i just need it to stop. I want it to stop.

I bring myself back to the car, looking around, feeling the door slightly then the chair sighing as i shook my head. Deep thoughts lead to distraction.

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Henlo! Alex/Karl/Ghost here!
This chapter was a kinda type of Vent? I was bored so why not vent though a lovley story yk? 

How are you? Have you drank water and eaten today? Try to take care of yourself if not! If not for you, try for me <33 Love you! <333/p

- Alex/Karl/Ghost <3