Remember The DEAD

Chapter 5

No amount of sleep, or in my case drifting just beyond a map, could ease this disgusting feeling in my chest. I hated it, emotion I mean. It felt foreign, as I never let myself get close to anyone. Not after what happened to my sister. Though, her death freed me from my mother's talons. Once CPS got involved my father could finally prove that he should have had sole custody of us all along. But shortly after I graduated high school, got my acceptance letter to the College of my dreams for a full ride, he got sick. Had a severe stroke, pulled through it, then a heart attack took him out.

For some reason, for the first time in 20 years, those memories were more comforting than painful. They were better than what was nagging at the back of my brain. So I kept dredging through it. Kept pulling my sister to the forefront of my barely-sleeping mind. She was such a kind person, much like Lisa in stature, her chestnut brown hair slightly curly with a little bit of frizz. She was only thirteen when our mom left on some escapade with the local junkie. She spent ninety percent of her time high, the other ten she spent trying to get there. And one night, my sister had had enough, she came into my room, I was nine at the time. I didn't know I love you would be the hardest words to stick in my heart until that morning when I found her.

She was in the living room, a bag tied around her head and an empty bag of my mom's backup fix crumpled up in her hands. She left a note, I never had read it, but kept it folded up in my wallet. 20 years later it remained, unread and folded just the way she had left it, tucked behind my social and insurance cards. The darkness crept around in my brain. A stalker in the night, the BANG jolted me up from my drifting state.

"I'm so sorry, Lys. I didn't mean to wake you. I dropped the pan." She laughed nervously as she picked it up, a small burn on the floor. "I- I didn't mean to. I swear, I burnt my hand. I didn't mean to let go.." Tears welled up in her eyes. She flinched as I stood up and walked over.

"It gives the floor character." I chuckled softly. "Let me see that hand, Li, cooking burns can get pretty bad." I held mine out, she slowly placed hers in mine, and I gave it a good look over. It wasn't too bad, but definitely needed bandaged up. "Wanna know an interesting trick I learned?" I asked as I opened the fridge and the condiments inside rattled about. I grabbed the mustard bottle and shook it up, opening it and squirting just a little on her burn. "Mustard prevents blistering. Leave that on while I grab a Band-Aid and some burn cream.

Inadvertently I ended up taking the mustard with me, my own hand searing with pain. Note to self, never hold the barrel of a gun going off. The gunpowder sprayed back and left my skin blotted with tiny burns. I sighed and grabbed the small medical kit from in the bathroom, steam still clouded the mirror and Lisa stepped around the corner. "You don't have to worry. This isn't that bad." She shrugged.

"You sure, Li? I don't mind. It's no trouble!" I smiled. "it's really no trouble at all-" She cut me off, clearing her throat.

"You should probably take a shower, if you really want me to put a Band-Aid on it I will. But you should take care of yourself first." She couldn't look me in my eyes. I'd forgotten, I was covered in blood. I nodded and looked away. I was ashamed, not only about what I'd seen and done, but letting her and the boy see me like this.

"Yeah, I'll do that. How long before dinner?" She simply said fifteen minutes and walked away. I closed the door and wiped off the mirror. The man looking back at me hardly looked like myself a foreign face splattered with blood and dirt and grime. But even then, under all of that, I was there. I shook that feeling off and leaned in, turning the squeaky knob on the shower and running the water on my hand. Red and brown covered the small tubs floor. It was disgusting how dirty I became within a single day. As the heat from the water beating down on my hand hits a decent temperature I strip down, tossing my clothes to the side piece by piece, then I step in. The water beat red dripping down my chest and arms. I shuddered as I saw it, then scrubbed as hard as I could. I used the first bottle of shampoo I could, which smelled of my dad- bringing back a fond memory of my childhood. I was in this very bath when I was maybe Jett's age. Dad was shaving his face, his shaving cream coated his face and I asked him if I could 'save' too.

Of course he'd let me, except instead of handing me a razor, he handed me a hair pick style brush and sprayed some of foam in my hand. Shwuissssh. I covered my face just like his and then some. He laughed, a hearty laugh I only got to hear a few times before the divorce. And it was only here, in the cabin, where he showed any sign of being happy. I found myself curled up around my knees like a scared child. Holding back tears as I trembled away. A small sob escaped my lips before I stood up, rinsed off my hair and the rest of my skin, clearing away the caked on ick.

I don't know why that memory made me cry, but it did. I wanted to remember what it was like to be happy, to not feel like every waking moment was another reason to dread rolling out of bed in the morning. But instead, even more reasons flooded in. I was a failure. A drunken mess, no wife, no kids, hardly any friends- likely none now, seeing what has happened. The only person I'd think to name dead mere hours after I'd realized he was more than just an acquaintance. What a pitiful excuse I was. As I pulled the plastic curtain away from the wall and stepped out onto the cold tile, I caught a glimpse of my face in the mirror.

Snapping out of it briefly just to find myself staring through the glass. My dark brown hair flopped disgracefully and dripping down my nose. I had at least one feature that was not my mother's likeness, my bright blue eyes, even brighter since they were bloodshot from crying and surrounded by darkened circles from years of drinking. The 5 O' Clock shadow tugged and pulled as I ran my hands across my chin. "Ahh... I'm an absolute mess." I mutter out loud. There was a soft knock on the door.

"Dinner is ready S- Lys.. Are you okay?" Lisa's voice shrunk as she spoke. I knew she was used to him being the one on the other side of the door. She cleared her throat and asked "Is there any- could we talk after we eat?"

"Yeah, I... forgot to grab some of my clean clothes. Let me put-" She suddenly opened the door just a crack and held out my shirt, clean boxers, and some sweats I somehow threw in my bags. I didn't even know I still had any of those. Clay. He had packed a few of my bags. He always was the comfort over class type. I shook my head and smiled. "Thanks, Lisa."

She giggled and I could hear her light footsteps receding nonchalantly into the kitchen space. I felt my cheeks getting warm, a blush of pink showing under my greying stubble. I tugged my shirt over my head, then pulled on the boxers and my pants. No socks, but oh well. The cold on my feet felt great. But right before I was about to open the door, the lights flickered. "Uh oh..." I Mumbled as I gripped the doorknob.

"Mommy I'm scared!" the boy's feet could be heard pattering across the floor and the fear in his voice made his mom chuckle. He whined "Why did the lights do that? Is there a storm coming?" I assumed by that question that he had a fear of storms.

"No, kiddo." I spoke as I pulled the bathroom door open and smiled. "Sometimes the lights do that out here. We are in the woods after all." They didn't, really. Something was messing with the cities power grid. If it was already flickering, the odds of it completely shutting off were high. Luckily I had a gas generator hooked up outside. So even if the lights went out the backup would kick on. The only issue? I'd forgotten when I last filled the tank. I sniffed at the air. "Hey, something smells delicious! What magic did your mother prepare for us tonight?"

That caught his attention and he glanced up at Lisa. "Yeah mom, what is it? It smells yummy!" He released his tight grip around her legs and walked towards the counter.

"It isn't anything too special, I just whipped up a casserole with what we had. Mostly canned vegetables and noodles. But I did find a few cans of SPAM that I chopped up. It looks and tastes so good!" Lisa clapped her hands together. "Shall we eat?"

I couldn't help it, of course I called out "Yeah!" And at the exact same moment Jett had said the same thing. We glanced at each other, then back at Lisa, and all 3 of us started laughing. It was a picture perfect moment. A feeling of closeness I hadn't felt in years. These two were a saving grace and they would never know it. She helped us dish up, and I helped Jett up to the small table in the right hand side of the room. He had his fork and knife in his hands the second his butt hit that chair.

This was a strange, but welcome feeling. All too surreal considering my upbringing and now, what the world has come to. I was absolutely certain our area wasn't the only one hit by this Rabies outbreak. This apocalypse. But for the moment, all I felt was an odd sense of peace. The icing on the cake was when Lisa grabbed a bottle of Gin from my jacket pocket and brought it to me. "Eat up, you two." Her warm smile lit up her green eyes like emeralds. She was beautiful. And yet so very broken. Just like me.