[THIS BOOK CONTAINS MATURE THEMES WHICH IS ACCEPTABLE FOR 18+ READERS ONLY]
"Yes?" His deep voice growls. It's so deep, so velvety. I can feel myself getting aroused. Aroused in ways I've never felt before.
"I was told to come and speak to you abou...
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Jackson Blake's POV
I'd frantically tucked myself back into my pants before putting the car into first and taking off out the junction and onto the dual carriageway. Turns out the car has a self-drive mode, it didn't come with the model, it's been modified to enable the feature. I wish I'd known, maybe I could have enjoyed his touch more rather than worrying about the car.
I'm flushed in the face and utterly mortified. I mean I was somewhat aware I had a daddy and a praise kink, but that didn't mean I wasn't embarrassed by it. I'd only ever said these things in my head, never out loud.
I've never been embarrassed by my sexuality. I mean sure, at 12 or 13 I'd tried to deny and pretend it was a phase but hasn't every child done that? Growing older I'd never outright denied I was gay, but I'm not exactly an experienced gay, if you will. I didn't have friends or family I needed to come out to. So even if it was unintentional, my sexuality wasn't all that open. Without meaning to, I'm as much of a closet gay as Slater is.
It's not that I wanted it that way, it was just the way things had worked out for me. Blake is the only person I've had to come out to, and even then I never outright told him. He assumed I was straight and I never corrected him, but when he found out, I didn't deny it. The reason I didn't tell him wasn't that I deny my sexuality, we just don't live in an accepting world. People will have their opinions and some of them won't agree with you, I've accepted that. Blake was the first friend I'd made, and if he held those opinions, well, I wanted to avoid throwing a spanner in the works and just enjoy being around someone who liked my company. I wanted to have someone around who didn't think I was a freak for once. Can you blame me for wanting to savor the relationship, even if it only lasted a short while?
But this was Slater we were talking about. A gay man in denial, and in this world, he might as well be the same as a raging heterosexual. He's strong-headed, dominant, but he's mostly confused. So when we're in the moment, I'm comfortable and I express my desires to him. It's when the moment passes, I don't know what reaction I'm going to get out of him so I sit in humiliation and embarrassment at my actions. I guess it's post-nut clarity. I'd just cried and begged the dominating, borderline-straight man, who I have feelings for to make me cum. Of course, I'm humiliated.
Slater and I aren't all that different because I'm many ways I'm still coming to terms with my sexuality. I understand the fear of telling people I'm gay. I understand the embarrassment of having a sexual experience with another man. It wasn't that I didn't enjoy them, it's clear that I enjoy them. It wasn't that I deny my sexuality, I do accept myself. It's the lack of experience and not just sexual experience, but life experience.
I've never been to mini-golf, I've never been in an arcade or a theme park, hell, I went bowling for the first time a few weeks ago. I'm twenty years old and I feel like I've never lived. I've only just lost my virginity and before that, I'd only ever given or received head in the school's supply cupboard or locker room. The trauma I've been through has matured me well beyond my age, but I can't deny that I don't feel good enough. Slater is older than me and meeting someone who has all those experiences overwhelms me and worse of all he's had them with woman, so how could I ever be enough? How could I give him something he's probably experienced with countless other people? Countless other women?
