Spying On Me

〖 ʙɪᴛᴛᴇʀ ᴘɪʟʟ 〗

 I drag my feet into the classroom, feeling so sorry for myself. I messed it up, I messed everything up. Thinking like this I slam a fist on my desk, gritting my teeth.

     In doing so, I gather the attention of my friends. That's almost laughable. I don't know what to do now, should I reclaim my spot in A-class? If I do will it change anything? Is there anything I can do? Is it even possible to get into a college, to have a life with something like that blasphemous photo being held over my head?

     "Hey... Y/n, you feeling alright?" Nakamura questions.

     "Just fine," although my pissy tone suggests otherwise. I know she knows I'm lying, but I can't find the energy to care.

     I sit down and sling my book bag on top of my desk while Koro-sensei worms his way into the room to begin class. The delinquent that sits a seat away from me causes disruption as always. So many of my classmates talking, my head is spinning from Saturday's encounter.

     I've had a complete day to understand what happened, to figure out where I went wrong and I still come up blank. Even if I say Asano and Akabane were working together from the beginning, how would Asano know when and where I'd planned to ambush Akabane, much less enough ahead of time to warn him?

     Roll call goes over in a flash, I don't bother participating either. Koro-sensei tuts me, saying that if my sportsmanship is bad, how will I be at a real job. I ignore him, waiting out his annoying jabs and pokes.

     He gets all sulky and before I know it half the day is gone and lunch has arrived while Akabane remains absent and yet still off the roster.

     Shiota offers to eat with me, but I decline. Kayano and Nakamura try to rope me in and even Sugino brings his balls out to try to soften me enough to eat with them.

     It takes Okuda and her quivering personality to finally convince me into eating lunch with the lot of them. She's just so meek, for her to find the courage and approach me; I can't let her walk away empty-handed.

     "Why're you so mad today?" Nakamura pushes.

     "I don't feel like talking about it." My fist and jaw clench in sync as I try not to break my teeth.

     I look out the window, avoiding their all-too-curious gazes and questioning stares. I feel relief fill me when lunch ends and it's time for GYM. We change out of our clothes and make it to the field one way or another. We partner up again and this time I get class president Isogai.

     He's kind of cute, nice, and respectful too. The complete opposite of Akabane I notice for some reason. Anyone would be happy to be with him, I'm sure if he was in Akabane's stead he'd delete that picture without any thought. Akabane might have let me go home Saturday, but... I think back on my memory, the way he let go and the way the cold returned to my wrist. I unknowingly feel wear his hand was just a day ago.  Even still, I remind myself, if he was any bit the boy Isogai is he would have deleted the picture and given me my freedom.

     Instead, he sits back and lets the devil do his bidding, without saying a word and with that sickening expression on too. Isogai brings my attention back to the match and I am again reminded of how different he and Akabane are.

     Akabane wouldn't have notified his opponent, he would have taken it as an opportunity and attacked my unconscious self as I dwelled on something from the past. It strikes me as something familiar because it's what I would do. It's not just Akabane who differs from Isogai.