Phoenix | S.R.

Ch. 6 | Beating Heart

Summary: Derek and Reader attend her prenatal visits.

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There was something inherently odd about the prenatal ward in the hospital. Although everyone was happy to be there, it was difficult not to be nervous. It should've been a happy occasion - and I'm sure it was for most people - but all it did was remind me of how fragile life really was.

The anesthetic still made me nauseous. The overly joyous technicians seemed almost unsettling. Plus, the ultrasound transducer pressing into my occupied uterus was always an awkward sensation.

"And... if you hear that..." started the chipper technician. She didn't need to finish the sentence; I already knew what the sound was.

The soft thump, thump, thumping pulsed through the machine and shot straight through me. I sat up straighter, one hand instinctively going for my gel-covered belly but never actually making it there. The other remained where it was, gripping Derek's hand with enough force to make even him wince. He didn't seem to mind, though, considering he was grabbing mine just as hard with both hands swamping mine in his grip.

"That's a heartbeat!" I shouted using all the air from my lungs.

"Yes, it is!" she excitedly replied.

"Wow, would you look at that. Already an overachiever," Derek mumbled through a stupid grin on his face.

The technician smiled back, this time less forced than the last. To her credit, she seemed to have finally become comfortable with our unique situation. The poor thing must've already been drained of her empathy, considering I'd already put her through the awkward 'This isn't the father' conversation and broken down crying three times.

But she somehow kept her sunny disposition as he clacked away at the machine. She glanced over at us and gave a dreamy sigh and offered, "I know it doesn't look like much yet, but would you like me to print out some pictures for you?"

For whatever reason, the question hit me like a punch in the gut. That annoying, unexpected twist of grief robbed my lungs of air as I tried to enjoy the moment for what it was. I tried to forget about the fact Spencer wasn't there to hold my hand.

I turned to the man beside me, instead, only to find him staring up at the monitor with wonder in his eyes. Because Derek saw the same thing I did in the blurry, grainy blob.

He saw Spencer.

"Yes, please," I answered before turning back to face the kind woman. "And... Would it be possible... could you send me a clip of that? I just... want to keep the sound."

"Sure thing, dear. At least until the next visit. You'll have a lot more to look at then."

"Thanks," I replied with a genuine smile, "I can't wait."

And in that strange, contradictory way, I couldn't. I was buzzing with excitement to meet our child. I wanted to look into young, innocent eyes and see the timelessness behind them. I wanted to hold his hands and feel the softness and know that there were still so many beautiful things.

After the door closed, I used the damp cloth to wipe the remaining gel from my stomach. It was so strange, to look at my only slightly bloated stomach and think that there was a person growing inside.

"So how are you feeling now?" Derek asked cautiously, as he clearly aware of my unease.

I laughed when I placed both hands on my stomach and leaned back in the bed.

"I feel like... there's a tiny person growing inside me," I answered.

We both laughed, then. Especially when I awkwardly tried to navigate my way out of the bed without exposing myself to the poor man I'd dragged along with me. Eventually, I managed to stand.