Monster

Chapter Four

Shuffling my keys trying to find the right one as I approach my front door. Knowing dad hell probably be out on the couch now. So knocking wont do any good. Whenever hes asleep there's no waking him unless he wants to be awoken. After the long day Ive had, I would love to have the ability to sleep like he does.

Insomnia

Habitual sleeplessness; inability to sleep

Insomnia is something that has haunted me for as long as I can remember. Although the nightmares only started after the incident.

The incident. I havent talked about it to anyone, not even my own father. The night when I became a monster. That's what the lady had called me after what happened. Her and my dad are the only people aware of what happened that night. The lady who called me that somewhat fitting name. Well, fitting now. Can you believe that? A complete stranger calling a 14 year old kid a monster. Said with her tongue laced in poison. Every time I think about that night, the nightmares get worse. Sometimes so bad as to cause me panic attacks for remembering such a vivid sight. All the blood. All the screaming. All the pain I went through. I wouldnt wish that pain upon anybody.

As I opened the old creaking door of our apartment. The insufferable squeaking noise blasting through my eardrums. Once in the house, I quickly closed the door only to let the creaky sound of the door be replaced with snoring.

My father. The old man. The person who is supposed to help me. Protect me. Guide me through life until I am able to stand on my own.

What a disgrace to the label placed upon him.

A drunk. That and addict are the only words I like to think of Larry as. Not a father, hes just a freeloader. Living off my expenses and the fact that Im not allowed to live alone until I turn eighteen. Only a few more months. Then I'm free. Of school, and of him. I can live my own life without worrying about getting hurt again. I wont have to keep anyone close. Only myself. Then maybe Ill feel happy, desire, something.

Emotions only mean pain if its others who give them to you.