Excerpts I Hope Become Books

Excerpt #1

"I'm so afraid I won't live my life enough, I mean, how can I? Even as I breathe I don't feel alive." Andy said, nearly in tears.

"Darling, look at me, that is depression. It slowly kills you from the inside out until you need to bleed just to prove to yourself you are still alive. But, as for my advice, it is seldom what anyone wants to hear, including you, that much I can promise you." Judah said with harbored intensity.

"Please Judah, I need your help, I came to you... because well, youre the only person I know with any sort of answers, youre the only one who's been in my shoes, who knows how this feels! Please, I beg you, help me," Andy looked for any sense of compassion in Judah's expression, hoping for some hint of a loving response.

"Alright, you want to hear what I have to say then so be it. Stop giving all of your nearsighted attention to living some sort of extraordinary life. In the pain of this reality, you are unlikely to ever change anything about this run down world. You will almost certainly never accomplish anything great outside of your own personal gain." Judah stated matter-of-factly.

It felt as though even the walls could speak of the way Andy's hope in them drained away.

"What?! What do you mean? Then what am I here for? Huh?! How does that help me, how does it help me to hear how my life has no meaning, what kind of person do you think you are to say something like that and call it advice?"

"Oh my dear, you fear death do you not? As though the next 70 or so years of your life couldn't possibly be enough. You say this, and yet all you do is search for implications to solidify this fear. And honey, whatever you look for you will find, even if it was never there."

Andy felt their tongue knot as the words began to clump and clot in their throat.

"Listen," Judah began, having noticed the helplessness encapsulating Andy's entire aura. "Life is not found in acts of extraordinary, life-altering events. So stop searching for it there. Instead, find life in the smallest of things, find life in the first spring's bloom, the way the sun feels on your skin after a hot day, and the goosebumps you swear you can feel in your soul while singing your heart out to a song that moves you. You are not here to change the world, and the world owes you nothing just as you do not owe the world. You want to know what you're here for?"

"Yes, Please!! Finally!" They interrupted, irritating Judah.

"My dear, you are only here for one purpose, to be a better you than who you are now, to strive to be the best possible version of yourself, to which you clearly have a long way to go."

Well, Judah was right, these are things Andy did not want to hear. And now, they didn't know whether to be angry or feel the guilt rising from the depths.

Judah continued, "And, if you happen to change the world in the process, so be it. But, the goal should never be to show you have something to prove. Rather, it should be that in your last moments alive, you can say to yourself "My life was beautiful, and I am ready for the next."

As Judah talked, Andy felt themselves leaning in closer, only to notice the feeling they felt looking into Judah's eyes as it could only be described in one way. It was as though they were looking into eyes as old as time itself.

And in those moments, their silence disbanded, feeling as though it would last for the next millennium.

Finally, even as their brain rushed with millions of thoughts all at once, they managed but one phrase.

"Who.. are you.." Andy stared, awestruck, before looking down at their feet in confusion.

Judah have but a soft smile, the first smile Andy has seen break their lips.

"Oh darling, I am not who. I am why."

And in a moment, perhaps not even that, Andy looked up with a million questions, only to be met with the sight of an empty room.