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i keep thinking maybe if you let me back in, we can make it better, breaking every habit.
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WHEN MIA WAS LITTLE she developed this habit of starving herself when she found herself disappointing anyone in her life, especially her parents.
It wasn't something she did because she hated herself or the way she looked, she did it to feel in control of herself. When she did something wrong, or got a bad score on a test she felt like a failure which I'm sure is common— Who the hell likes failing tests?
The looks on the teacher's face is what got her though, and then it was her parents' faces and how the smile they always had turned into frowns and she didn't like it all and she couldn't find any way to get rid of it, the feeling of disappointment was always there.
Her parents refused to scold her, punish her, they didn't do anything but just frown.
So ten year old Mia took things into her own hands, she'd come up with an excuse on why she didn't want to eat dinner, or why her stomach hurt too much. Then when she couldn't come up with any more excuses right after dinner she'd excuse herself from the table and say thank you and compliment her mother's cooking before turning up her TV in her room really loud and locking herself in her restroom until she felt that she had punished herself enough.
This continued on for a while, and then it stopped and when Mia thought she was maybe free of her self infliction he happened and Mia was never able to fully stop after.
"You look really good Mia."
Even though Mia was trying and she was doing good, or as good as she could have been doing she still loathed going to therapy.
Mia nodded.
"Do you feel good?"
Mia nodded again, "I mean yeah. I think so."
Her therapist nodded, "That's really good Mia, I heard it's just you these days that's gotta be nice. No boy drama?"
Mia laughed. "Yeah it is actually. I think that, uhm. You know after what happened I sort of just fell down this rabbit hole of self hate and I just began to unknowingly hypersexualize myself and I found myself not being able to be with someone without you know..."
