Lost Without You

Roomates

I wake up an hour before his alarm is supposed to go off and know I won't be able to fall asleep again. I gingerly move into a sitting position as to not wake him up before grabbing my phone off of the nightstand.
Immediately, I'm attacked by multiple texts from my parents, but mostly my mom. Instead of reading them, I swipe the notifications away. I told her I'd be home after school today, if that doesn't make her happy, I don't know what will. An Instagram notification grabs my attention:

lilhuddy tagged you in a post                12:01AM

I quickly tap on the notification to open the post. There are multiple photos of us together at Walt Disney World, the first one being of him giving me a piggy back ride in front of Cinderella's Castle. I swipe through all of the pictures before double tapping and reading the caption:

lilhuddy   my princess, i'll love you forever

I immediately comment:

yourusername   and i'll love you always 🖤

As I scroll through the rest of the comments, I find many are fan pages that love us together. That is, until I find a whole new category of comments:

hater1   I can't believe they're actually dating :S
hater2   Ikr, she's so gross

shiphater   I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole

hater3   she's so ugly! you can do so much better @/lilhuddy

The comments go on from there, with many replies in agreement. Some say that I'm fat, others say I'm far from royalty, and the worst is saying that I'm using him for fame. I'll admit that the only TikToks I've posted are duets of his past ones, but that's just because I'm not sure what else to post. My follower count has went up substantially since Chase surprised me with the surprise concert, but I would never use him.
I'm swarmed by notifications of people liking and replying to my comment on his post, the first ones being sweet and supportive. But one single comment shifts the topic:

shipnamehater Aw you used a heart the same color of your soul #SaveChaseFromY/N

The hashtag catches on within the rest of the replies and comments, my phone buzzing incessantly in my hand until I finally turn on Do Not Disturb and set it back down on the end table.

***

The comments from this morning still have me rattled and it's lunchtime.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Chase asks for the hundredth time as we move through the lunch line.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I give him a tight lipped smile, not caring about the fact that he knows I'm lying.
He raises an eyebrow, but doesn't push anymore. He probably knows I'm on the verge of snapping at him to stop asking.
The walk to our normal table is filled with silence, me not really wanting to talk, and him not knowing what to say. When we sit down, he pulls his phone out like normal and scrolls through whatever app he's on, but instead of doing the same, I leave my phone face down on the table and pick at my food. His fans are right, I'm fat, ugly, and all the other words they use to describe me. He can do so much better than me. If he was with Charli, she wouldn't get any of this hate. She's perfect. They would make the perfect couple.
Instead of eating, I push the tray of food away from me and lay my cheek on the semi-cold hard wood table.
Chase sighs before setting his phone down, "are you sure you're okay?"
I give him the death glare, letting him know he's on thin ice with that question.
"You haven't gotten on your phone all day, you barely talk, can barely hold my hand, and you're not eating."
I shrug a shoulder, "and?"
"You can talk to me about anything, you know that right?"
"Yeah."
"Is it about your mom?"
"I don't know."
He sighs frustratedly before going back to eating and scrolling through his phone, knowing I'm not going to give him a better answer.
I quietly get up and take my styrofoam lunch tray to throw away before heading to the bathroom.
Three of the four stalls are taken, and I'm forced to take the one furthest away from the door.
In quick succession, the three stalls empty and the occupants gather around the sinks to talk.
"Did you see the post he made about her on Insta?" A vaguely familiar voice asks.
"Yeah, but I'm not too worried about it," I recognize Charli's voice immediately. "He's only dating her out of pity."
My ears perk up, they must be talking about me. Of course I'd find myself in a stall listening to Charli and her girl gang gossip about me. As if today wasn't going bad enough.
"How do you know that?" Another voice asks, I'm assuming the third part of her posse.
"He told me," I can almost hear the smile in Charli's voice. "He's her first boyfriend. Apparently she was eighteen with no love experience. How tragic," her voice is laced with mock pity.
"Tragic indeed," the other girls say in agreement.
"He's only been pampering her so much recently because he's going to break it off soon." Charli sighs before continuing, "so I'm going over to his house later tonight to relieve him, if you know what I mean."
They all laugh conspiratorially as they exit the bathroom, completely oblivious to my presence. I'm left with one thought and one thought only, was he really faking everything and dating me out of pity?