Tempting Trouble

Chapter 16

Andy

How could Claire think that I'd want to keep our friendship a secret? She's the one good thing in my life, the one person who I want to be around. It was Adrian, Clint and Elijah I was ashamed of, the way they look at girls, like they're objects, playmates to pleasure them and nothing more, how could I ever consider bringing them around a sweet, innocent girl like Claire?

The last thing I wanted was for Claire to think I was hiding her away from my life, more than anything I didn't want her to know that part of me, who I used to be because I knew that the truth would send her running but I also didn't want her to feel like I was ashamed of her, not when I could tell that it was hurting her greatly. 

My two worlds were going to collide tonight and I wasn't prepared for it. This could be the end of Claire ever wanting to be around me ever again. I didn't want to lose her, not when my feelings for her were growing stronger by the day. I had told her I wasn't ready for a relationship but as the week had gone by, every time I caught sight of the hickey I'd left on her neck, the more I started to realise that I'd subconsciously marked her as a way of claiming her as mine.

She was what I wanted, every waking thought I now had revolved around her and I had every intention last night of plucking up the courage to ask her to be my girlfriend over dinner but then we had that stupid fight over her thinking that I call her boring, when really, she's the complete opposite and just when I thought I could turn the night around, get it back to where I needed it to be, along come Adrian, sleazing all over Claire just to get a rise out of me. 

I had no intention of inviting her to the drags but when Adrian started echoing Claire's worst fear, that I was keeping her hidden, I felt I had no choice.Why didn't I just ask her when she got into the car?  If I could just express my feelings and emotions like a normal person does, instead of bottling everything up and constantly searching for the right moment just to let it all out, then I wouldn't be in this mess right now. 

There was something, or I should say someone, blocking my way, making it harder to move forward with my life and I had my dad's words of wisdom ringing in my head, over and over, 'to move forward with the present you must first deal with what is holding you back in the past.' He'd been saying this to me for months now and I. foolishly, had been ignoring him, thinking I knew better. 

"Dad, will you come for a drive with me?" I asked my father when we were washing up after breakfast. I'd thought about this all morning, I'd put him through hell in the last year and he'd still stuck by my side, patient as ever, I wanted him to witness my break through, so that he could see how much I appreciated him never giving up on me. 

"Of course." He replies, no questions asked.

"I need to make a stop at the florist along the way." I tell him and he nods, understanding where exactly we're headed to. 

I hadn't visited Pia's grave since the day we buried her and I realised on the drive out to the cemetery that that had a lot to do with being in denial about her death. Dad often talked to me about the stages of grief, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. I had convinced myself that I was immune to grief, that I was able to handle Pia's death without following some set path but in reality, I had in fact passed through all of the stages and was now ready to accept the truth, she was gone.

I lay the flowers down on the pebbles that cover her grave, next to another fresh bunch. It made me happy that she had someone else visiting her, even if it was just her parents. I cast my eyes over her new headstone and read the tribute written for all to see, 'Loving daughter, sister and girlfriend.' My eyes welling up when I see I got a mention.