1 Producer, 7 Idols, 1 Grammy to Capture!
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When Lily, a passionate music producer and songwriter, is contracted to work on a special project for BH, her inner dialogue reveals a different passion just boiling under the surface.
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The constant headaches have finally started to ease. I hadn't counted on how hard it would be to go from being immersed in mainly the Korean language for three entire years and then return to speaking English exclusively. The code-switching has been difficult because my mind involuntarily tries to translate English into Korean, and I have to intentionally tell myself to stop making my brain work so hard.
Looking out over the calm lake before me, I feel the sun hot on my face as I try to will myself into being content. I settled down an hour north of Boston in a little rundown cabin I've been renting. It's strange to be back home in New Hampshire because it doesn't feel like home anymore. The property has an old wooden dock that creeks when I walk across it, it's old but steady, and it's become a place of solitude where I spend a lot of my time sitting and pondering all that has happened.
The property is situated on a wooded lot that provides me with a great deal of privacy. It reminds me a bit of the place Namjoon rented for me before I fled Korea, and I think about how I desperately tried to escape the confines of that property only to be drawn to something similar here.
"Hobi, you have to forgive me. I've been apologizing to you for months now. How many times can I plead my case? You know how much I love our friendship!" Peering into the screen on my phone, I see him lying in his bed in a pair of silky green pajamas, and I smile, thinking about how he even looks expensive when he's ready to go to bed.
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"I still can't believe you just up and left, Lily! Who does that?"
"Umm, me. I did that!" I say, raising my hand and waving into the screen. "Hobi, come on! There was nothing we could do. I had to leave anyway. I just sorta sped up the process....."
"Lily, you have to learn you can't just run away from your problems!" He says sternly.
"Hobi! He shattered my heart in a million pieces!" I exclaim sharply. It's the first time I've actually acknowledged what happened between Yoongi and I since I left, even in vague terms. The sudden sharpness in my tone seems to snap Hobi free from his disappointment in me, and I finally see his expression soften.
It's taken many texts, and heart-to-heart phone calls for me to get Hobi to start forgiving me. Not that he ever stopped talking to me; my Hobi would never do that to me. However, he definitely let me know he was not happy.
"I'm sorry, Lily. I'll stop now," he replies softly. His words no longer sound as if they are laced with passive-aggressive anger, and I feel like a cement block has been lifted from my chest.
"See, if we can make it through this, we can make it through anything, Lovie!" He flashes me a shy grin when he hears me calling him his pet name I have for only him.
"Here, look at the view!" Flipping my phone so that he can share my view of the lake, I try and shift us into a more cheerful mood.
