My Dead Boyfriend

~Chapter One~

 the song on the right is the book's theme song

"We were going to the big lookout rock, to see the famed view over the lake. James and I were sitting about two feet from the edge. Graffiti littered the whole stone, some of it off the edge. I remember wondering how the artists got over the edge. We were close enough that our heads were touching. I took his hand, and we searched the horizon, looking for clouds, and birds.

I looked down, over the edge. Although the lake was crystal clear, I couldn't see to the bottom. It was at least 20 feet deep. I noticed that the sky was getting ever so slightly darker, colors forming on the horizon. I whisper to James,

"Sometimes.... I wish I could freeze time, just to look at the sunset longer."

He laughs a little and whispers back, "I think that sometimes too.... We're so alike, it's no wonder I love you."

I think again of the graffiti on the edge, and ask, "James, how do you think the graffiti artists get over the edge, without falling, to paint?"

"I don't really know, but maybe I can find out..."

"What do you mean?"

"I can climb over, and see."

"I don't know if I like that idea..."

"Everything's going to be fine...I promise." He said, with a smile that I knew meant it would be.

I said with a smile, "Well, hurry up, it's getting dark and windy. I'm cold."

I remember, he climbs down without a problem. He says "There's a place to put your feet, It's actually comfortable."

I say back, "Okay, will you please come back up now?"

"Okay, I'm coming."

I see his hands on the edge, and I go over to help him up. I help him up, almost. I remember the wind was really strong. He gets to the top, not quite getting over. There was a sudden strong blow of wind. It blows in his face, breaking his concentration, and he lets go. He falls. He falls.

Before I can react, I hear a splash. I start to panic, I climb down, as fast as I can. I get to the lake after about 30 seconds. I scan the lake, looking for any movement in the water. I scream his name, to no avail. I jumped in, swimming as fast as I could to the still rippling spot where he fell in. I dive down, I open my eyes, and I see him, unconscious, tangled in plants. I swim down, but I float back up, the pressure pushing me back up. By then, I had to breathe, so I swim to the top and take a breath. I remember thinking I could save him....

I dived back down, this time swimming deep enough to untangle him. I grab his arm and swim back up. I swam to shore, sometimes letting my head go under to keep his up. When I get to shore, I lay him down and check for breathing. None. I tried to stop myself from crying, but I couldn't. I blew into his mouth, and I pushed on his chest over and over. I checked his pulse. Nothing. He was dead. He's still dead." I said, crying, to my psychiatrist, Anita McKay, and my therapist, Carmen Sears.

"What did you do next?" said Dr. McKay.

You might be thinking, how did I end up at a psychiatrist's/therapist's office, and the answer is, I got a court order to. Let me start from the beginning.