Shea's Journal Entries

Shea's Journal Entry 10/6/18

Connecting With Your Inner Self

A journal for the souls with a story to share

Made locally by Katherine Reese, owner of Pearl Street Bookstore in Boulder, Colorado.

kath.reese@pearlstreetbooks.com

This Journal Belongs To:
Shea McMahon
9187 Winter Park Circle, Longmont, CO
303-758-9324

Author's Note: Hi Shea! I'm very excited for you to embark on this journey in finding your voice. I believe you have a very strong inner life that deserves to be heard. The teenage years are a challenging time for everyone, and journaling really helped me express my thoughts. I hope you find that it does the same for you! Happy 14th Birthday! :) -Katherine

10/6/2018

Let's just say today was a very good day. Simple as that. It just started out as a normal Saturday. I had a cross country tournament in Boulder and it was a super rewarding experience for me. I felt super empowered after finishing those races. It really reminded me of my purpose in  this world. I am a strong and inspiring woman. I am here to inspire others and show them that they can do anything they put their mind to. I show determination and grit through my passions for skiing and running. Now I know what they mean by runner's high! Running makes me feel free and energized. I am not the best runner in the world, but that shouldn't matter. What matters is that it helps me feel accomplished and makes life worth living. After cross country, I took a shower and cuddled with Finn a bit. Feeling his warm fur(I swear--it feels like a comfy blanket!) helps me relax after a long day. I was super exhausted so I ended up falling asleep right next to him. I woke up at 3 in the afternoon and I had a missed call from Charli. She wanted to have a picnic at Chautauqua Park near the flatirons. At first, I was like "A picnic...really?" She was like, "Yeah, I'm not kidding. Ya better show up." I said, "Okay I guess...I haven't had a picnic since like 3rd grade." "Okay, I'll see you around 4:30 ish. Be ready!" Char said. "Geez, that is so soon. I haven't even brushed my hair! ," I told myself as I took a look at myself in the mirror. I went from feeling empowered and ready to tackle anything to my insecure, ordinary self. I wondered if something special was going on. I felt like I was gonna show up and act all awkward, y'know? Our hangouts are usually sleepovers and hanging out after school. She sent me a photo of her all ready and she looked nicer than she usually looks(I guess that's how you word it). She curled her hair, put on some gorgeous makeup that seemed just right--kinda like a natural look, and put together a cute outfit for herself. I joked with her, "It's not a date, y'know? You don't have to be all extra!" She said, "I'm just feeling cute today. I hope you'll feel the same." I said, "Girl, I don't even know what to wear! Does it look like I know fashion? No." She said, "Just pick something. Ask your mom. It's not that embarrassing to go to your parents for fashion advice. My mom literally helped me pick out some of my favorite clothing items." I got my mom to help pick out an outfit that actually looks decent on me. I then put on a tad bit of makeup and did my hair. I wanted to look good for this "special" occasion. I then got in the car and had my mom drive me to the park. Charli looked even better in person. She brought this big basket with a bunch of delicious food. There were vegan sub sandwiches, fresh fruit, delicious vegan brownies, homemade lemonade, and a few other treats that I can't think of in the moment. Oh, goodness was the meal delicious. We talked for a while and eventually engaged in deep conversation. For some reason, this conversation felt more intimate than previous conversations that we've had. I was starting to wonder what Charli was thinking--I mean, we were already very close friends but I kinda sensed that she was trying to get something from me. We were talking about what we wanted for our future and our values in life. After engaging in deep conversations for a bit, I asked "Char, do you like me as more than a friend? It's okay if you say yes. Be honest, please." Char said "Honestly you are one of the most gorgeous people I've ever met. I don't just mean outwardly, but inwardly as well. You have the most beautiful soul and healing voice. I've never felt this way about someone before. You are the one I feel closest to. I love you so much. I love everything about you especially your love for the little things that truly matter. I want to spend even more time together. I feel that you really understand me and who I am. I wanted to get pretty and have a nice place to tell you about this. I felt that a picnic at the park was the best way to confess my feelings. I'm sorry for crying but I'm just so happy I get to be with you. I call myself very fortunate because you are a part of my life. You are my Shea." I was shocked and I started crying. I didn't know what to say....I felt the same way as well but I was so emotional that nothing came out. Those words that came out of her mouth were so beautiful and touching. I just wanted to hug and cuddle with her because she made my LIFE! She confessed her love beautifully! I hugged her while crying A LOT. We both had a crying fest for about half an hour. I finally had the courage to tell Char about how I felt. "Hey Char, I've actually felt that way about you for a long time. I didn't know I liked girls and I was super nervous to come and talk to you about my feelings. Thank you for confessing first because it made me feel more comfortable about this. You make me smile and accept me for who I am. You embrace my obsession for dogs, encourage me to try my best without overworking myself, and you express your love for me every single day! I don't know what I'd do without you and I can't wait to make memories with you as your girlfriend! I am super happy that you are now my girlfriend. You are my Charli." After all of these impactful events, we went back to Char's for a sleepover. I was so excited that I could enjoy more intimacy with her! I can kiss her, cuddle her through the night, write her love letters, hold her hand, do romantic things with her, and go on more precious dates like this one! I haven't been this happy in years! It was quite late when we got home, like 10 o'clock. We were both tired and ready for a cuddle session in her comfy bed. In bed, she wrapped her arms around me like a protective bear. She stroked my hair and gave me kisses on the cheek and lips. I looked in her beautiful big brown eyes and called myself the luckiest girl alive! We then turned on A Dog's Purpose, one of my favorite movies. It's not the best movie ever made, but it has a special place in my heart. The book sparked my love for dogs. I think I've read the book like a few times already, but I've watched the movie even more. I knew Charli would fall asleep halfway in--she's like always tired. She has this weird ritual where she needs to be asleep before midnight. I don't know why...I guess it's because she's so tall. She is six feet four inches, which is extremely tall. I am pretty sure she is a foot taller than I am. Actually, I'm wrong, scratch that. Tall people don't need extra sleep. She does sleep like a baby though. I mean...I would too. I am writing this all at like 1 am, and she fell asleep at 11. She is such a cute sleeper though. I wonder what she's dreaming about. Probably me. I know I'm the best girlfriend she'll ever have(and HOPEFULLY the only one). I've seen her sleep before, but only briefly. I'm such a creep, like who stares at their girlfriend sleeping? I wonder if she thinks I'm a cute sleeper. I toot my own horn too much. Okay, goodnight. She'll wake up before me for sure.

p.s. this is like the first time I'm writing in this journal. my mom got it for me for my birthday and I literally never touched it until today. I never thought I would use it--in fact, I was planning on throwing it away. Well, I'm glad I didn't because I'm committing to ACTUALLY journaling everyday. I want to look back on my past experiences and see how much I've changed since I wrote this. I've heard journaling is therapeutic, so I hope it works. I hope I can actually keep up with this habit. I was just inspired to start writing in this so I can document my "interesting" life. Thank you mom for giving me this journal--I promise I'll share some of my moments with you. You taught me the importance of capturing and documenting my life. I really wish I started earlier because I could have documented my middle school years.