Shea's Journal Entries

Shea's Journal Entry 11/28/22

11/28/22(Shea's POV)

Y'all I haven't written in here in a while. I'm back at school(sadly), but at least I get to see my girls Saoirse and Sadie again! We're the lesbian trio of Trinity Hall's 3rd floor. It was such a coincidence that Sadie and I got paired together as roommates. And that my OWN COUSIN was on my floor AND A LESBIAN?! Yes, Saoirse and I are cousins but we're besties. She lives all the way in Northern Michigan. College has been extremely busy, but I have a lot going on in my life currently. It is so bittersweet coming back from being at home though. I am happy to be back and see my besties again, but I am sad to leave my family and dogs. I had so much fun over break, especially since Molly stayed with us for a few days. Molly is my new girlfriend and the other girl I'm dating besides CJ(Charli). It is completely consensual and I am polyamorous. I'm not looking for any new relationships right now, as I am at capacity. Before I met Molly, I had dated my longtime friend Megan for a month. She had to leave to study abroad in Rome, and we both agreed that a queerplatonic type of relationship would work better for the both of us. Megan also struggles with her mental health, so it is much harder for her to be in a long distance open relationship. She has some unhealthy patterns that show up in relationships such as self sabotage and just getting jealous sometimes. I still love her for who she is, as we all have unhealthy patterns that we learned in childhood that no longer serve us. Megan grew up and didn't have the best relationships. I have helped her realize this, as I have called her out(in a nice way, I'm looking out for her) and helped her find the help she needs. I am not her therapist, and as much as I love her I don't have the capacity to constantly help her with stuff a therapist would be better suited to help with. I am so glad she had the self awareness to realize an open relationship would exaggerate her problems she already had. I was a little sad, yeah, but open relationships aren't for everyone. I completely understand that and am happy with our relationship as it is, even if it was not what I had hoped. Luckily, Megan has found an amazing girl who she is now dating. The two of them met while studying abroad and her girlfriend is from Greater London. I am sad for Megan though, as she has to leave in December. I really hope this relationship can work for the both of them. The girl's name is Eleanor, which is one of the most beautiful names I've ever heard. I've only met Eleanor over FaceTime, but she seems like such a good fit for Megan. Eleanor is extremely understanding and always does things with Megan. I feel like they're basically the same person. I am ace, so I wasn't able to provide the sexual aspect of a relationship that Megan was wanting. It seems as if Eleanor is everything Megan has ever wanted and I'm happy to see my girl thriving! I have gotten much better at being happy for others over the years.

Anyways, enough about Megan, but I met Molly in my Precalculus class and we began by doing homework together. We sat next to each other unintentionally and we had a group project to do in pairs. I asked Molly if she wanted to work on this project with me. She said she wanted to, and we exchanged contact information. I didn't expect to become closer with her as a result of working together on a math project. She would come to my dorm and we would study together. Of course I didn't just study with her. We would talk about anything and everything and would get dinner together sometimes. We would typically go to the West Union dining hall or go out to eat. I loved doing this with her, and those dinners are where I learned about her sexuality and preference for open relationships. This was a win for me because I had been crushing on Molly and wanting to ask her out, but I was scared to tell her about my polyamorous nature. She was just everything I've ever wanted and seemed like a combination of my late friend Riley and Megan. I can't wait for CJ to meet her in person!! CJ is all the way at UC Davis studying environmental science so I don't get to see them in person as much. Molly doesn't live too far from me, about an hour away in Bel Air, MD, so I'm able to see her over breaks and hang out over summer. She even got to celebrate thanksgiving with my family. One thing I like about being polyamorous is that it is such a learning experience. I feel more satisfied in CJ and I's relationship now that it is open. It was always a very healthy and satisfying relationship, but I felt I wanted someone else. I didn't want to cheat on them at all, but especially with us being long distance I wanted someone else who was nearby. Ever since I came out as polyamorous, I have became better at open communication and looking after myself. I don't think I would go back, and CJ agrees! I was terrified to tell them because I didn't want this to end our relationship. Luckily they were open to polyamory and willing to try it. I am so grateful for them and they are currently seeing another girl too(with my consent, of course!). Although the quantity of our interactions has decreased, the quality has increased as we cherish any moment we get with each other.

Molly came home with me after our classes ended on Tuesday. It was a really long car ride, but we stopped at a few places to get food and do our usual business. After we arrived at my house in Delaware, we were greeted by Finn and Bear(RIP Oreo). It was around 8 at night and really cold out, so the dogs greeting us added some warmth to our lives. They were very excited to meet Molly, and so were my parents! My family is actually quite accepting of me, so I am quite privileged in that aspect. Molly doesn't have the most accepting family, so my family offered for her to have thanksgiving with us. Molly thought that was very sweet of my parents to do that, and she gladly said yes!!! I was so excited to spend this holiday with my love! I had so much fun with Molly this break! We went to Longwood Gardens, went Black Friday shopping at King of Prussia Mall, went to Main Street in Newark(was basically dead because all of the college students were home), went to some cute Christmas places and hung out at my house! We did a hell of a lot of stuff! I was so excited to introduce Molly to many of my family members. Some of my favorite memories from break include just cuddling with Molly and spending quality time with her. She's the first person I've dated that is shorter than me(she's 5'2) so I love having her as the little spoon. Her hair is so soft and her eyes are so big and beautiful. I feel like the luckiest girl alive when I'm with her!

Your's truly,
Shea <3