HATE TO WANT YOU.

chapter twelve.

- Nicholas -
" I won't break, just fuck me." She shouts as we both explode over each other. I fall back in bed in to her..
" I really needed that."
" Me too. Are they absolutely sure it's three humans in there..... You still look so damn attractive."
" I still plan on keeping it that way."
" And there all Pedro's?"
She looks at me funny and says," am sure one or two are yours.... You do get in there more than he does."
I smile and kiss her shoulder, as I gently stroke her back.
Enough about me.... It's been two bloody months.. are you ever going to get on with it."
" Am just being patient with her... Thought you folks like that... When we wait so long before asking for the sex..."
" C'mon Nick, this I the 90's."
" She's a twenty five year old virgin."
" Who you're falling in love with."
" What? No."
" Yes," she turns to face me.... You go to the movies, beach, library even.... What has she done to you."
" It's actually nice there."
" Right."
"And you have sleep overs, spooning and cuddling and pizza... Like, has she even gone down on you?"
" Am trying to be a gentleman here, only when she's ready."
" And because you're falling in love with her...... "
" My name is still in those papers. That will never change."
" You don't really care much cause now you like her."
" And here I thought you knew me better."
" I do... And I have spoken. You even introduced her to Katie."
" That was a coincidence."
" If you say so.."
" I am in love with you though... If Pedro ever dies... I'll marry you." She smiles and kisses me...
" Sex after childbirth takes over eight weeks, but three babies."
" Fuck you Nick," she punches my shoulder as I get out of bed." Dinner  should be ready by now, you coming down..."

" Not really hungry, I'll  prolly just shower and head out."
" Alright."
I grab my phone and head downstairs. Things have been so great with Lola. she mentioned how she didn't want us on papers and vogues. so our peaceful flings have been adequately private. we hang out with her friends sometimes, talk for long hours. I feel like I've known her forever. she looks more beautiful each day. she told me how much she always wanted to go to Paris. thus one Friday night after she fell asleep in my bed. she woke up in a jet.... extremely freaked and excited. she called home after we landed and told them she would be back by Monday.  she ventured the city while I helped my brother on a little project.... she bought this huge padlock and wrote all our names on it. it was sweet... guess it was too soon to put our own. right. I like her a little more each day. my body burns for hers but I've made peace with my mind. only when she's ready.. entirely. I think am getting a lot closer there. her father is moving down to their beach house for the summer. shell be going a week earlier to clean up a little.

"bre and the guys will be pretty occupied then. so if your schedule is open. you could come if you like."
"are you asking me on a date." "don't be ridiculous."
"am just kidding, of course I would love to come."
"and you can officially meet dad after... he's been bugging me for a while now." meet her father? looks like a drastic step. I've only introduced her to my sister. "sounds good." 

"okay, goodnight."
"goodnight bunny, i love you." "what?" in the entire two and a half months we've been hanging out. I have never for one second said i love you. am kind of surprised, but i know it will keep her up at night.
"i said i love you, you don't have to say it back i just wanted to get it off my chest. you have a goodnight."
"i..... cannot wait for next week." "me neither, bye." 
"bye." 

- Pedro -

she has not let me touch her since the office. am angry, at her, at myself, at everything. my fucking brain is beginning to tell me its my fault. that i should have asked... but it was five fucking years. i wasn't getting any younger. my mother was on my ass all the time.. am the oldest of her children. and the only one without kids... i love kids, I've been the most generous uncle i deserve a trophy.. but i always wanted kids of my own.... i had asked her a couple times, she said she wasn't ready... a couple more.....still excuses. and after a massive fight, she told me she had gone off the pill. seven  good months of trying, nothing. the doctor said we were both fine and just needed to give it some time... but we had such good sex, all the time. now when i found that pill under the bed. i wanted to kill her, i love her but i did. she made me feel sterile and stupid.... how could she sleep so happily  knowing how miserable i was? i changed them without a second thought. you cannot begin to imagine how happy i was when she got pregnant. her misery gave me some satisfaction. great satisfaction. And three babies....god was giving me one for each year i tried.... i thought her bitterness would fade away eventually. but my refusal to apologize. and get her a surrogate fed her pride to the absolute limit,  she went as far as moving to another room. she seems happier each day. feeding my misery. i miss her, i  miss her so much. i miss sex. cant help thinking my marriage is falling apart.  i just want this fight to end, she can get a surrogate, its all she's asking for, and will still get three healthy kids in the end.. i just want to be next to her again.  we went for an ultrasound this morning.. the kids are perfectly healthy, oh she doesn't resist. she does everything she's told to do when it comes to them, am the only one paying the price, she avoided my kiss and then... haven't seen her since then. her curfew is nine pm. but she's usually home by eight. her doctor's already here.