Child Of Chiaroscuro

Prologue

"We have, as human beings, a storytelling problem. We're a bit too quick to come up with explanations for things we don't really have an explanation for." -Malcolm Gladwell. My Grandpa Clarence always used to say this quote to me in the kitchen as the pleasant smell of his famous banana pancakes cooked in a buttered up pan on the stove. He always would say the different quotes that he knew off the top of his head and ask me if I knew who the speaker was. I would always smile brightly with the eagerness of a child and tell him with the most enthusiasm who it was by and one up him by telling him what book,movie, or poem it was from; but this quote is a rare case. The first time he said it to me, I sat in confusion for awhile and then for once in my life my grandpa Clarence didn't make me eager to answer, he made me eager to learn. He told me who it was by and that it came from a book that Malcolm Gladwell had written when he was an author who became famous in 1996 because of his amazingly in depth articles. Gladewell wrote his first book four years after that. I was intrigued to learn a new author's name. The thought of all the beautiful quotes and chapters of his that I had never read before made me explode with excitement. A whole new world was just uncovered and I was going to get lost in it. There is one thing Grandpa Clarence and I disagree about until this day is the meaning of this quote. He had explained to me that that quote meant that the happier you are,  the happier the whole world will stay, he said that the 'storytelling problems' actually meant that the world has a problem with sadness and the 'explanations' that we are quick to make is the happiness, so when the whole world listens to the stories they are happy.  I took this quote a totally different way then what my Grandpa did. I felt like It meant so much more than just the balance between happiness and sadness. This quote means so much more than what people see. My grandpa is missing out on the big picture. I feel as if there was a lot of hurt and pain behind this writing. Even if grandpa thinks that this is supposed to be a happy quote there is always hurt in happiness. Something must have happened to my grandpa to make him think in such a positive way. After my grandmother died he didn't grieve,; he didn't linger on her death he just moved on.That's what she would have wanted. I feel as if my grandpa found that there was more to live for than the sadness that was being held in his heart. After she died he and I started getting closer and he started being even more positive. Tragic things always happen to people before the happiness starts. So is that what happened to him? Did he have so much grief that he decided to turn it into positivity? I think in depth about of things like this and once I start thinking about it, I never stop. My life is always a pursuit for answers. I am still waiting for my brain to start thinking in a positive way like my grandpa's. At the age of 16 and starting my junior year of high school, I have had so much bad happen to me, I don't even know if i I will ever get to the good. People like to describe me as radiant and nice. They say I have the curly long hair of a goddess and the bleached white smile of royalty. Everyone always tells me how they feel comfortable around me, like they could talk to me about anything, no matter the issue. My friends always say that I am one of the happiest, most positive people they have ever met. If you asked any one of them why they liked me they would say that I am funny and super sarcastic and can always brighten their day with just a few words. They would say that they wanted to be like me. They wanted to be happy and lighthearted. They wanted to be enthusiastic about little things that wouldn't even make a cat jump. They wanted to be able to do their makeup like a real 'makeup god' as they call me. They would tell you so many good things about me which would make you think that I am over all perfect, but they don't see me the way I see me. I have an all season pass to my brain and my heart and my feelings, where I just ride the same sad waterslide all year. I see myself as annoying and completely absurd. I feel as if I am shy and don't fit in anywhere or with anyone. My mind tells me one thing but my heart pulls me in another direction. The clumsiness that I have in my body makes me not want to leave the house. It takes me hours to get my makeup absolutely perfect so that I can look good for all of my friends at school. Not to mention my anxiety, that spikes at the mention of anything. A name, a thought, a sight, at the mention of the smallest things I will freak out and not be able to breathe and sometimes even cry for no reason. But I'm perfect right? People say it's what's on the inside that matters but my insides are broken and shattered so what's on the outside will have to do. All of the negative things that I think about myself will not change the way other people see me because they will never know how I feel on the inside right? I just want to have a purpose.  Just like Malcolm Gladwell said we're a bit too quick to come up with explanations for things we don't really have an explanation for; and in this case what they make up an explanation for, is me.

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Hey,
I have other chapters done but I will not be uploading them until people ask me too. So if you would like to continue reading please leave a comment and I will be sure to upload a new chapter! Also this Prologue is dedicated to Wattpad for giving me the platform to write on and share my story's.

Thanks A Lot,
Briley Masters