My Urban Legend Romance

My Wife

Peter, Peter, Pumpkin Eater... Something of a morbid little song. I found that I, too, couldn't keep my wife. She was always fighting with me on every little single thing. I never got to date around like other guys, I had to marry Amber Moon as soon as high school ended according to my parents. I wanted to date men and women and people who just are but no, I got stuck with Amber.

That was why I killed her and buried her among the pumpkins.

The police had come over and searched for her in our house. They didn't find her of course. Then they left. Now I'm finally single. I can be with anyone I want. I don't regret a single thing... I should tell you more about myself. I'm Harvie Moon, I am a greasy kind of guy with black hair and a little bit too much weight according to my doctor. Although I have a little muscle under my fat because I've been working on losing that weight.

I work on a pumpkin farm and typically I don't have to worry about money since Halloween and October and November always roll around the moment that I start worrying.

My wife has been very useful this year, her body has made a wonderful fertilizer for the pumpkins. Unfortunately, pretending to be the grieving husband has left me so incredibly lonely. Every moment I'm not dating as many people as I can, I'm in agony of blue balls. Seeing all these people coupling off and falling in love and enjoying their lives has left me in absolute ruin.

I almost miss my wife at this point.

The people of Lavender Town are obsessed with their creepy stuff yet romance blooms around me. For everyone but me. It's driving me crazy to sit in this house and farm and pretend that I wouldn't beg anyone to date me because I "loved" my wife.