things i write when im sad

Biological

"As i lie on this ground, looking at the stars i'm thinking about how i stopped you in the mid of your sentence today. The thought of getting called out makes you embarrassed doesn't it? As i sit here in the corner, holding my knees to my chest, rocking back and forth with my face hot and itchy; i'm thinking about you and the way you treat me. Do you feel more like a man when i'm cowered and silent? The though of me not listening makes you angry, doesn't it? As i sit here on my bed in the dark, staring at the wall, awake with no realization, staring at the wall; I'm thinking, thinking about you and the way you control me. The thought of me leaving scares you doesn't it? As i stand here, fingers plugging my ears thinking about the way you scream at me. The thought of me telling someone who you are worries you, doesn't it? As i lean here, back against this wall, sighing deeply. thinking about you and how i always clean up your messes. The thought of cleaning up after yourself annoys you doesn't? As i lay here on this unusually quiet Saturday night, zoned out, television on in the background of my trance; i'm thinking about you. thinking about the way you ignore me, the way i'm ignoring this stupid fucking show that is playing. The thought of me having problems inconveniences you doesn't it? As i speed walk, down this hallway; into my room and locking the door. I pull out my phone and call a friend. Letting them listen to you too, so i know i'm not living a fever dream. the thought of me not falling for your lies makes you livid doesn't? As i sit here in this shower, imprisoned by my suffering, i'm thinking. how you openly remind me i'm your worst mistake. The thought of not having a punching bag enrages you doesn't? As i sit here in this car, finally away from me i'm talking, about the way i was so sad about you, how you were no where CLOSE to worth my fucking time, and how i hope you finally realize i don't need you, and i would rather rot in hell than to beg for YOUR forgiveness. laying here under the stars, i realize. You will never change, and i'm fine with that because i wont either, ill never be the same again."

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