things i write when im sad

Warrior

Self medication, don't do it they say but clearly they don't know how desperate i am. I'll do anything to get the memory of you out of my mind. It may not be healthy but after crying for weeks, this stupor has me feeling alright, because daddy left me and part of me died, so in order to get over his pride and the way it made me cry.. i self medicate because once the high kicks in i feel alright. To wash the tears away a take a sip of this chardonnay and i'll make sure none goes to waste. Out of this bottle flows a river but so do my eyes as i lay in bed at night and think about how hard your words hit me, Harder than I hit this green, trying to go and make myself feel alright. In the mornings i now awake early, to take my medicine to make me not decline on this journey I've taken, the road being long, and wide, As i walk along i take a pause to stare at the rising sun. As I take it in, i give a little grin and take out this coffin nail, i ask the sun for a fragment of her fire so i can breathe it in and blow all of the promises i made to you away. Some people may never understand me or the other ones who feel this way. If you don't understand the things that i say, turn around and walk the other way. You can call us disgusting. You can call us weak, but I can promise you now, you'll never understand the tears we weep. You'll never understand the things we keep, locked away inside out brain waiting to come out and be dealt with on a sunnier day. So go ahead and play your cards but know that we have pain within and to make it go away we will commit a little tiny sin. Just until the pain withers away and we can breathe again. Life isn't easy for people like us, the ones who are picked to be the ones who no one will sit with on the back of the bus, we are the ones who will be there for each other when all you are together for is gossip and hearsay to be spread around every single day. The ones like us are the ones who understand, the kind of pain others are in. You can make bets on "who will die first" but just know in this game the ones filled with pain are going to win, for we've known the shadows and the dark and we are waiting to find another with a broken heart, so we can heal together and find our peace, deep within each other while you and your groups hide away to give little giggles about the way others have treated us, and how they caused us to go astray. The "Others" are you with your big, lavish mansions and homes set aside in snob city with the others who have bathrooms the size of football fields and pools that are filled with the tears we have cried. We are on our paths to happiness, already knowing that you will never find yours; For we have recognition that with a gentle strike of just a few chords and a few people who have also walked this road we can be okay and make a few good memories to pull out on the rainiest days. So I will once again say, with this blaze, and a little of the grey and maybe another nail to help target my grave we can turn this mess into a haze and put ourselves into a happier place. So do what you need to do friend, dance in the rain. Put a smile on that oh, so smooth and perfect face, find yourself and win the race that the world has made you fall and fade away like the happiness high we can never seem to make stay in our brains. As long as you don't give up this battle and hurt yourself physically in this prison we call our brains, stick up your middle fingers and scream your name and all of the pain you keep hidden away, because you are a story and you will never fade to gray. Keep your shields up soldier for you are getting closer each and every day to the goal you set up when you decided you would never let yourself face this kind of heartache again from any one, who tries to get in and pull you down. Let them break your fall and make them see that you are one in a billion and you are ready to make them recall every little word the whispered about you or every thing the said to because you are you and if this cigarette, is the key to your peace, light it up and make it in honor of the ones who lost their battle for they are not weak. They are the ones who motivate us to speak, for their spirits are firey hot, and they share it with you so you can spot the lies they speak and the truth you tell so you can be like a bird and soar from this jail because you are a warrior. And warriors never fail.