Savior

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I grew up in a world bluntly knowing heroes do not exist - not now, not ever. I believe in reality and not to those fictional characters that can be seen on televisions or internet. Somehow I hated how they manipulated people's mind, thinking that there's someone who can save us instantly when trouble comes.

If there's really a hero, why didn't he saved my life? My family? Why did he let me suffer from this pain? My life with no colors and light. My life covered with black shadow.

Darkness took over me. And now I live - no - I am imprisoned. And I believe no one can put back the light. There is no on or off switch, this is eternal, this darkness lasts till eternity. Because as the light and colors disappeared, so did my hope.

"Are you going somewhere?" The guy standing next to me asked. I blinked and move forward to get my phone above the center table.

"Does it matter? Do I matter?" I looked at him with no expression. My lifeless question was enough to shut the guys mouth tight. He sealed his lips and I know he will not be adding any more words to answer my question. And so I left out of the house that used to be my haven, yeah, used to be.

I just kept walking, not knowing where to head and where to stop. My life has become like this, a trash worthless, blank and no direction. I am dead, dead as it is. My heart may be pumping for me to live, my blood may be flowing through my veins, my lungs may still be breathing, I may be walking with my feet on but it's all not needed. I am dead. I am a perfect example of a living dead.

Why is life unfair? Why is it so possible to become miserable after every joy and laughters?

Every step I take I can feel that my life is indeed worthless. I look around to find beauty, light and color. No matter how hard I've tried to move on and see things positively, I can still feel the pain from yesterday. The pain that is killing me now. The pain that never leaves me, wanting me to die.

I kept walking not until I saw a family. A perfect family to be exact. Tears suddenly trickle down my eyes. We used to be like them when we were still together. I remember how my dad gave me piggy back rides when I was young. I remember how Mom holds my hand. I heaved a sigh and turn my head against them, I don't want to hurt myself remembring my past. But then I can't.

I stopped from walking when I passed by a church. I stepped and walked inside. I knelt down and bowed my head, I prayed and cried for my life.

I prayed that someday all the pain that I'm feeling right now will vanish.

After, I walked out and went home. Dad's face appeared in front of me as I opened the door. I went straight upstairs not minding his presence. I didn't even bother to greet him. Why would I? He's the reason why I become like this. He's the mere reason why I'm hurt.


I hardly speak when my dad is around. I can't seem to stand and talk to him, the way I used to do before. Whenever I saw his face, I remember how he let go of my mothers' hands. How he let me live like this. How he let my feelings broken and life being hopeless and shattered.

"Jen, why are you like this? Why aren't you talking to me anymore?" I saw the pain in his eyes as he asked me. I looked away. I didn't even noticed that he followed me here.

"I don't know Dad, better ask yourself, why I am acting this way." I retorted. I went straight to my room and shut the door.

My everyday life is like a living hell. I want to end this but I can't. I can't even dare to.

My eyes are tired from crying, I laid down and hug my pillow. The next morning I saw my Dad sitting on our couch.

"Talk to me Jen," he said. I blanky stared at him.

"What is it now?" I asked him with the tone of my voice being raised and irritated.

"Jen what's wrong?" His voice broke when he said those words.

"Everything is wrong with my life dad since you let mom go. I became miserable. I became who I am right now. You know what that every second of my life it feels like I'm living in hell. I don't even understand why can't you tell me the reasons? Why dad, why did you let her? And now I also wonder how did you accept things easily?" Finally, I voiced out all the questions that hunts me every second.

"Honestly speaking, you're mom didn't love me Jen. She can't love me. Why? Because I am sightless. I am blind. I am a worthless father and a husband. I can't provide everything you need. I am just nothing." I saw how dad's eyes water.

Suddenly, I felt a pang on my chest. I didn't know that Mom doesn't love Dad. I didn't know.


"You asked, why did I let your Mom go? That's because I wanted you to open your eyes and see things in realitym I wanted you to feel what life is. I just saved you from your fake belief Jen. I just saved you from everything." Dad said before he walked out.

I can't open my mouth, tears are rolling down. I can't imagine everything. I can't contain all the revelations that he said. Dad saved me. Dad saved me from my fake belief. He did that because he wanted to saved me from my false hopes. Saving people can make someone a hero right? Does it mean dad's a hero? Well now I think he is. Yes! He is. He is a capeless hero. I think my perception of heroes will be change from this day onwards because now I realize that dad is an epitome of a hero. I know he's also hurt from what happened but then he chose to let go to save me. To save me from what I thought perfect.

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