Is it Love or?

an Option

Warning ! typo everywhere!

 I know you out there had been broken to pieces by someone, no matter who is it. a stranger or even your loved one. and yes

I had felt it

and it is worse. to the point I became emotionless. 

but I just hope this story will remain in the past. I hope you will read this and forget it from time to time

and please, don't blame anyone. it's just one part of life where we will experience this...

It started when I was in my first year of college. I just don't know why I became shy and anxious to meet new people but luckily I got a good friend there. They help me a lot throughout my life there. they know I came from far away so they took care of me there. I am grateful to have them.

it was one day wherein the class, for highlight I never talk to any guy friends so yeah pardon me. The lecturer told us to form a group of 3 people. I was embarrassed to ask anyone in my group. I actually want to be group along with my best friends but the lecturer told us no. So, I just wait for someone to call out on me. and there is one of my friends who asked me if I had a group, if not someone want to be in a group with me. and I said sure, why not. so a friend of mine told someone to chat me up. and yes, he chats with me.

I never know who is or what he actually looks like but yeah he chats me up. it started with me asking him who is this and he jokingly said his nickname was given by another lecturer.  I really don't know how to respond because I never chatted with any guy before. so yeah, fortunately, he knows how to keep the chat longer.

from there, we become closer but only ask when there is any work or lab needed to be done. until we form a group of four with two friends, 1 girl, and 1 boy. At that time, it was before lockdown so people still free to make discussions anywhere and we choose to do it at our cafeteria. so we decided to discuss it after dinner. Therefore, with our laptops and other necessary things, we discuss our project and presentation. but it only stays for 1 hour. then we start to know each other. we chatted until midnight. neither of us wants to go to bed so we stay with different stories and gossip.  haha, we love it.

and we keep doing that until the end of the 1st semester.

In the second semester, we still chat and loiter when we have free time.  but only he got close to me. I never know he have any girlfriend but he only told me he have a girl's best friend. however, I become anxious when he posted about his broken heart on his social media. so from there, i just know he broke up with his GF. and I took initiative to calm down and give support. At that time, I only do that as a friend. and trust me, I didn't have any feelings towards anyone at that time. just want to cheer him up. so yeah, we chatted through WhatsApp until midnight or even 3 in the morning. until one of us wants to sleep. that is our routine through the second semester. 

it suddenly becomes our priority to ask each other every day.

However, something doesn't feel alright to me. I start to doubt myself, do I like him? does he like me? those questions that I really want their answer to but I could not find them unless I ask him. therefore, I start to tell myself that he does not like me. he treated me only because I am his best friend, right? like can you believe it? he only calls me whenever he wan an answer to a quiz or exam. and I just let him because I like to talk to him. 

but my friends told me that he only want to take advantage of me. I wonder, is it real? does he do that to me?

but again it only became questions in my head.