Hawks ordinary aftenoons

Chapter 1

        ☾☏☽Was the outlet supposed to do that?
Hawk sat slumping off the dirty couch. Looking for something to do in doing nothing. Face blank and with lifeless breaths her dark eyes glanced at the outlet. Which occasionally sparks would dance out and around it. Only dedicating itself to the appearance of the apartment  which looked like it belonged to a drunk. That thought sent anger to her brain. Slumping lower on the couch she lifted her arm. And brung it down on the cushions. The uncomfortable heat-stress-and hunger made her eyebrows furrow-her breath quicken and teeth to bare.

    Letting out a frustrated groan she got up. And aching back left from nights of sleeping on the pitifully solid mattress. She opened her mouth to utter words that came minutes after as she stare at the floor below her.
    "This feels so hopeless. Nothings been new and I just....I just fucking can't bring myself to fix anything. As worthless as that damn outlet! Fuck fuck fuck! Every damn day feels like the last. Is this what being a fucking worthless slug feels like?!"
    Grasping her hair she pulled and tears sprang from her eyes. She mustered a frustrated half-scream. Hawk dug her fingernails into her forehead frustratingly intense. It hurt so much. She tried to calm down and let out deep breaths. Trying to bring herself to feel ok enough to get food. The hunger only made her more uncomfortable and greasy feeling.

This is Tuesday. Yesterday was Monday. And the day before that was Sunday. And every day before even that felt the same. I've been doing this every day.     
Maybe if I just slept all day that'd give me some dreams. Maybe try the pub. Or start some internet drama to pass by the minute. Maybe check up on old friends-wait no. That'd end bad. Every day feels the same....Y'know Im just going to get lunch and hopefully I can do some shit.
   
      After a bowl or two of sugar in a heathy meal incognito she got changed and brushed her hair. Peeling open her sliding door Hawk stepped outside and took a breath of smoke filled air of the alleyway. No matter what it really was this air felt good. Good enough to have motivation to walk outside. To pretend your exploring a serene world like paintings of Claude Monet. I mean fuck reality right.

Maybe I can salvage today. Even if its just for a walk. I mean-I barely want to do anything. And I still feel exhausted from everything. But if I can put that aside for one day maybe I can do something. Even if it's a walk in this shit place. Ottawa-don't get me to lie its beautiful around here but thats only when your face to face with the city. When your practically smelling celebrities cologne. But when you're not in the cities spotlight....Well outside of that chunk there's a lot of crime. Even so I prefer it over my life in America. Fuck. I haven't thought about that in a while. I can't imagine I spent most of my life there at all. Especially when it was so traumatic. Being pushed out in the world so alone, nobody to help or care. But maybe thats why I don't remember it. Because this time Im happy....er....chose to be by myself. Like I had some control.

     Hawk stood ridged.

I don't want to remember that. I hate always seeing myself trapped in that terrible life. And all my old friends. Especially his god damn face. But I guess even when you fucking move countries you can't escape the people that made a mark on you. And maybe some people leave you. The ash haired boy, the bright labrador in human disguise, or maybe-others I don't want to remember. But i'm living a new life now. But I can't help but to hate it. And to hate everyone I miss.