it was your world baby and i just lived in it

one

i push the door of the class, hoping that my girl friends would save a seat with them but the hopes are crushed to pieces to see them sitting with each other in the middle of the class, not even an empty seat next to them. i shoot a glare at one of them before i walk to them, as my heart is pounding with anxiety. it was the first day of senior year and one of my biggest fears is having to settle to sit next to some randoms. that would be an exaggeration, but it's honestly hard for me to act like an outgoing extrovert. but hey, why do i make such a big deal out of it. i am an adult.

"i'm so sorry, alex. but she doesn't want to move." vic whispered to me when i placed my books temporarily on her table, as she made a gesture, pointing to the blue-haired girl next to kellin. kellin just shrugged her shoulders and pursed her lips into a line, gesturing that she does feel bad for me. i try to tell myself, that it should not be a big deal. but you know, i kind of want to cry, somehow feeling left out. why don't they just start a scene like they always do to get a seat for me? don't they love me?

"it's okay, guys," that was a total lie. "i'll find an empty seat." i grin nervously as i take my books and hug them close to my chest. i will never forget their faces before i leave to find a seat for myself at the back of the class: their sorry eyes and lips clutched in sympathetic smile, but those can be perfectly faked, the devil whispered. i quickly shake this diabolical thought off my head, how could they? they have been with me through the freshmen year until now.

and i finally settle with the back row, the whole row is almost empty, only three students are there including me. i hope i don't grab the professor's attention by sitting by myself. but it's the first class of the semester, why would he care ever about where the students are sitting. i plop down the seat when i witness two guys walk into the class, laughing and chatting. soon, they are scanning around the room and one of the guys have his eyes on me. dammit, they are going to sit here, next to me. I quickly look down to the desk, as my nails fidget around the edge of the cover of my notebook.

the taller one puts down his messenger bag on the desk next to mine, and says to his shorter friend "dude, do you think they will let us play?" i can't help but to eavesdrop their conversation, whatever it is about, even though i'm acting like i'm ignoring them. it's bold of me to think, they even care about my existence here. i am probably invisible to them.

so apparently i'm wrong to think that i'm invisible when the taller one goes to tap my shoulder and asks with his soft, husky voice, "hey, i forgot to ask if these seats were empty," he is already sitting next to me. i look up to him when he did that - talk about personal space!

"yes, they are." i say but there is something about his clear, electric green eyes that is begging me to not stop staring. but i quickly remind myself that i don't want to be a creep and quickly look away, to my girl friends in the middle seat. they look so happy ignoring me while talking to each other. am i jealous? fuck it, yes i am.

"cool," he says as he calls his friend to sit next to him. "nice 'boys like girls' hoodie, by the way."

he is talking to me, about this damn purple hoodie that i finally came to the realization that i am wearing it,  i do not say anything as i think, it's probably too late to even say thanks when i knew he was talking to me. later i accidentally heard his friend said something about how he used to have this exact same hoodie but has lost it in a summer camp. great, now i become the topic of their conversation -- well, at least, my hoodie is.

now i am just sitting there, mindlessly listening to their conversation while i pretend to be busy scrolling through my phone, looking for my schedule for the semester that i just took a screenshot of this morning. i learned that the guy next to me is named john and his friend is kennedy. i hate that i am now thinking about how hot john is actually is, when the glance of his physique crosses my mind: over 6'0 tall, messy brown hair falling to the crook of his neck, emo bangs covering his whole forehead, clear green eyes, and beautifully aligned pearly white teeth. oh, how dare me to even think i would score a guy like him. he probably has a hot girlfriend already.