Roses on a Graveyard

Chapter 1

“Hm… I mean, this must be the place,” You say to no one in particular. You look up at the large, battered sign directly above the door. “The Undertaker, huh? Well, this is obviously the place, then.” You push open the door and walk into the building. To your surprise, it was quite dark inside, with only a few candles lit and no windows.  From what you could see, there were numerous coffins scattered throughout the room and shelves lined with jars you’d rather not know the contents of. The general atmosphere was very creepy, and you were feeling a bit on edge because of it. “Is anyone here?” You call out, hoping against hope for an answer.  Suddenly, you hear the creaking of one of the coffin lids behind you swinging open. You spin around and see that one of the larger coffins had been opened and inside was a man dressed in long black robes. As you crept closer, you see that most of his face was concealed under a mop of silver hair, and of what you could see, he was very pale and had a large scar running from his right jawline to under his bangs. His hands were folded over his chest and he had lengthy black nails. You really wanted to see what was under that mop of hair, but you couldn’t just interfere with the dead like that. And yes, you’d assumed he was dead because what sane person would just ‘hang out’ in a coffin like that? “Hm…” Slowly you crept further forward and came up right next to the coffin. You made up your mind. Just a peek, You thought, reaching out a hand to brush up the man’s bangs from his face. “Oh!” You gasped as you took in his face. He had pale skin, and his eyes were closed. What long eyelashes… You then noticed the long scar that ran up to his left temple, passing over his left eye. He most likely would’ve been very attractive in life. As your gaze lingered longer than it should’ve on this man’s face, you let out a sigh. “I need to find the funeral director...” As you said these words, you were about to close the lid of this coffin. Suddenly, the man’s eyes flew open, and you were temporarily stunned at the brilliant green that now glinted up at you. As you realized what just happened, however, you let out a yelp and fell over backwards with a thud. The man proceeded to pull himself upright in the coffin and started to snicker. You gathered your wits and managed to stand up as the strange man began to climb out of the coffin, pausing to just start guffawing, a trail of drool now running down from the corner of his mouth. Who is this nutcase, and what is he doing in here? You wondered, backing away slowly from the form that was now draped over the edge of the coffin quaking with laughter.  

“I… Heh… I apologize for giving you such a scare,” He managed to get out between giggles. “But, ha… You should have seen your face.” He pulled himself all the way out of the coffin and wiped the drool from his mouth, his hair now back in his face. “I’m the Undertaker,” He said, holding out a hand to you, which you took gingerly. He gave your hand a hearty shake and said, “So you said you were looking for the funeral director? Well, here he is!” He swung his arms in a way that was supposed to be a gesture to himself, but ended up being a gesture to the whole room. “What did you need?”

“I, er… My grandmother just died, and I was looking for someone who’d organize her funeral. Would you happen to offer those services?” You weren’t certain if this man’s sanity was all there, but you didn’t really have much choice at this point.

“Yes, of course I do,” He said, wandering over to the largest coffin in the room, which seemed to function as a desk. “Would you like some tea?”

You were slightly taken aback at this sudden inquiry, but were relieved nonetheless that he did indeed offer those services. “I- Yes please. Thank you.”

“Righty then, I’ll be right back. You just take a seat over there somewhere.” With that, he disappeared through a door in the back that you hadn’t even noticed.

“What?” You looked around. There weren’t any chairs to be seen in the cluttered room. He doesn’t expect me to sit on a coffin, does he? Evidently he did, so you went over to the coffin nearest the ‘desk’ and sat down, praying for your sake that there wasn’t anybody already in it. A few moments later, Undertaker returned with a tray that had two beakers filled with tea and a plate of dog bone-shaped cookies. He placed this tray on the desk and held out one of the beakers for you. You eyed said beaker suspiciously.

“Heh, don’t worry. I cleaned it out very well,” He grinned at your bewildered expression. “I’m kidding, don’t look so surprised.  I only use these beakers for tea, I have others for work.”

Relieved, you took the beaker and sipped at the tea carefully. It was actually quite good.

“Now, about your grandmother,” Said Undertaker, sitting down on the desk and taking a sip of his tea. “Where is she right now?”

Wow, he’s getting right into it. “She’s still at the hospital; she just died late last night,” You took another sip of your tea.

“I see.” He said, starting to murmur to himself under his breath. You caught the words ‘transportation’, ‘embalming’, ‘coffin’, and ‘headstone’.

“Erm… How much is this all going to cost?” You were nervous; you didn’t have too much money.

“Oh! You needn’t worry about that; I have no use for the Queen’s coins. You gave me such a fine laugh earlier, I may just do it for free.”

“Really!? But don’t you need profit?” You were completely astounded that he would offer to do all this work for free. Maybe he really is insane…

“Well, yes. But I only charge if someone fails to make me laugh. I’m sure you’re aware of what a funeral goes for these days? It only takes a few humorless blokes to get me supplies for about 6 months,” Undertaker explained. He picked up one of the cookies on the plate and bit off half of it.

“Oh,” You weren’t sure what to say to that explanation. But… A funeral for free? That was better than you ever could’ve hoped. “I mean… Thank you! I was really worried about how I was ever going to pay for a proper funeral, but you’re willing to do it for free. That’s amazing! Thank you.”

“Not for free, you just already paid for it with that laugh. Heh, that laugh was worth two funerals,” He grinned. “That reminds me! When do you want to come back to get the details worked out? I’ll have her here and fixed up by tomorrow, will you come back then?”

“Yeah, I will.  What time should I come?”

“Why don’t you come around six in the evening? That’s when I close, and the details will take a bit of time to get sorted out, so we can work uninterrupted. How does that sound?”

“That- That sounds good. I should be able to make it then.” Six in the evening? That’s a bit late… You mentally shrugged. At least it was getting done. You stood up from the coffin.

“Wonderful! I eagerly await your return tomorrow.” Undertaker finished off another cookie as you went over to the door. As you swung open the door, you turned back to him right before you left.

“Thanks again. Really.”  With that you stepped out into the warm spring air and closed the door, leaving Undertaker in almost total darkness once again.