One Shot Parts

Confessions of a Teen

"C'mon Maria, just tell me. This is between the both of us. Just me and you. Your parents wont know." My therapist, Ms. Green told me. 

I sat there in her office in one of her chairs, just staring at her as she looked back and fourth between myself and the computer she was currently typing on. 

I had a therapist because my life fell apart awhile ago, I have been through a lot of mishaps throughout life, and was adopted about two years ago when I was 13. I was always an angry person, but I was always a good kid. I got good grades, was never in trouble, and I was on a lot of academic clubs and sports teams.  I was just a perfect person on the outside, but if you could read my mind, you'd be in tears.

I finally got the nerve to tell Ms. Green  about something that had been bothering me. I told her I lost my virginity. She did know I had a boyfriend, and she did know how he was, but she knew I was too good of a person to allow that to happen. The guilt started to eat me alive, I had only told one person, which was my best friend Aaliyah, but I needed advice from the adults perspective. I needed to tell someone who I knew cared and doesn't judge me at all. The only few adults I trusted that I knew I wouldn't get in trouble were my therapist, and one teacher that I loved dearly. But the one I knew better and longer was Ms. Green, so she was the one I went to. 

"Come on Maria, tell me please. I swear I won't say anything."

 "It's a long story. So, you might want to stop typing, because I'm not repeating myself."  

As soon as I finished my sentence, she stopped talking. She looked directly at me and said "You have my full attention doll." 

I sighed,  "Well we had been planning this for weeks, but didn't know when I could sneak over his house, because of my parents. But thank God for the after school activities. " I began, and started to reminisce on the event that occurred days before.  

All day during school my heart beaded rapidly, I was scared. Who knew what was to happen at his house, maybe we would have sex, maybe we'd chill like I claimed. Who knows what the future held for Me...

When the last period of the day came I grew scared; deeply scared. I asked and pleaded everyone to stay after school with me, and come with us to his house.

We all walked out the school and down the trail, I realized it wasn't just me walking with him, his friends tagged along. I was so happy for that, and as time went by I grew happy, I returned to my normal self with several problems occurring in my mind.

When we came to his house, he made his friends wait outside. He let me come inside, and he pushed me to the couch and all we did was kiss. We went from the couch and we rolled onto the floor kissing. He tried to undo my pants but I kept telling him no; I was scared. We kept kissing, and after we finally got up from the floor, he'd just pick me up and I'd wrap my legs around his waist. And we'd go kissing against the wall. It was intense kissing at that. We grinded against each other a lot, until I seduced him into letting his friends inside the house.

When they came in he took me to the bathroom where he lifted me on top of the counter and tried to eat me out. I told him no; and that I hadn't shaved which we both knew was a very big lie. We had planned this day for weeks, so we both knew what would happen even if I didn't want it to. But, again,  all we did was kiss, and I gripped his Manhood a little.

After our make out session we went to one of his friends house. When we got to the house we decided to go back, because I was "hungry". When we went back to his house everything in our hands were dropped an his lips were on mine. My lips felt good against his, and as we made our way to the bedroom he went down to my neck and lifted up my shirt and then my bra and gave me pleasure to my breast.  When we went back to kiss, we went on the bed where we just sat there and kissed, and he then picked me up and put me on his dresser. We kissed as if it was no tomorrow and as he unbuttoned my pants, but I stopped him, and all he did was turn off the lights and turn me around. His lips trailed down my neck and then I heard the unwrapping of the condom. And he slid it on his manhood. I pleaded for him not to but he did anyway. He slipped in and out several times, pushing me over making my ass up and perky.

He stopped after about 5 more strokes when i pleaded for him to stop. I guess he kept going because I was moaning but It wasn't a moan full of pleasure. It was more of a plead to stop.

After he pulled out, I turned around and kissed him and all he did was pout that I wasted his condom. We kept kissing until we landed on the bedroom floor, and he started kissing my neck. I pushed him off and asked him what time it was. He sounded annoyed and read "4:01" after checking his phone.

I told him we had to go and we exited the bedroom. We went to the living room where he sat down on the couch and all I did was climb onto his body and continue kissing him. And he seemed even more annoyed, so I grabbed my shit and he walked with me up there; back to school so I can catch the after school bus and go home.

I regret what I did deeply, I just can't believe I would do something like this, and continue to do it. I just feel like I'm stupid, like those girls in the movie that do that shit. And sooner or later when more people know, It will be called as Rape, because I kept telling him to stop and  he wouldn't for awhile but as time went on he did stop. I bet he will end up leaving me just like that. He's not now, but eventually, he will.  I feel as if my innocence was stolen from me, even if I basically gave it to him. I feel like he took my virginity and stuffed it into his pocket like it was nothing. I just feel dirty even after I've taken showers, but then it's like I want more, I want the rush of adrenaline pumping through my body, I want the excitement. I want it all;  the kisses we shared, and "love" I supposedly had with him. The anticipation keeps me going through it all.