Paradiso

Part IX - Paradiso

No. No. This couldn't be true. This couldn't happen. It couldn't. The end of the world couldn't be coming. He couldn't fall. Everything was going so well. This could not be happening.

Such were Doelle's thoughts as he ran from where he'd hidden just outside the doors of the chambers of Sael. Such were his thoughts as he flew out through the gates of Heaven. Such were his thoughts as he descended through Purgatory to Earth. Such were his thoughts as he sat, anxious beyond any anxiety he had felt before, at the hidden place that had become Nim and his rendezvous point over the last year or so.

Doelle hadn't sent any kind of message to him before coming here; he didn't need to anymore. They both had developed a kind of sense for each other. Doelle knew he would come. It was just a matter of waiting. That was always the hardest part—the fear of being discovered by the other servants of Heaven was always present in the back of his mind in times like this, and of course he was always a little restless to see Nim—but it was especially difficult now. Each second was an eternity of dread and misery. He felt like he was dying. I'd rather be, he thought. It would save me the pain.

Though it only took a few minutes for Nim to show up, it may as well have been eons. The moment Doelle saw him, he sprung up. He wanted to run to him, to hold him so tightly that not even the Apocalypse could tear them apart. But instead, he just stood there staring at him, unable to say or do anything. Tears welled in his glowing eyes. His wings and arms fell limply at his sides.

Nim saw clearly that something horrible had happened. His charismatic smile was exchanged for a concerned frown. He came closer to him, gently taking his hands as he searched his face. "What's wrong?"

"I- I overheard a seraphim talking to Zanda—I was standing outside in case she needed me—I heard-" His voice hitched. He took a breath and forced himself to go on. "They said the Apocalypse is coming. And they said I was no longer good, that I wasn't- they said I would fall." He couldn't stifle a sob. "Everything is going to end."

Though terror gripped Nim's heart, Doelle was his top priority. "Hey hey, calm down," he murmured, squeezing the angel's hands. "Nothing's ending yet. It's okay, I'm here. Calm down. Breathe."

His attempt at soothing him wasn't fully in vain—after all, Nim had had to do this a couple times before; he knew that getting Doelle to focus on the present was the first step to calming him down. However, this time it would be nearly impossible. He did take another shaky breath before speaking again, though, so there was that. "There will be war between Heaven and Hell, as the King's prophecy dictates," he whispered. "Their denizens will kill each other until none are left standing."

The horrible realisation of what Doelle was alluding to dawned on Nim. His brow set with sudden determination. "I promise," he said. "I will never fight you. I would never-"

"You cannot show me mercy if we meet." Though Doelle's eyes still streamed tears, a certainty cold as ice was within them.

"Why?!"

"Because it is the world of the King, Creator of All. No one can deny it." As the words fell from his mouth with increasing coldness, his heart twisted in agony. "If we meet, we must fight. And if we fight, one of us must die."

"No!" Nim cried. "We'll hide; we'll survive together. Who cares what the King said ages and ages ago?"

Doelle paused. Who did care? The Princes, of course, and poor Zanda, from the sounds of it. He ached when he thought of the panic Zanda must be in. Three years had done a lot to soften his opinion of her; he cared for her. He cared for all of his team. He cared for Nim. He cared for all these people.

But I've forgotten to care for one thing, he thought. Good. At that moment, everything made sense to him. He wasn't going to fall; he had already fallen. Fallen into selfish sin. He thought he had resisted. How wrong he had been. How prideful. He felt humiliated. He had lost perfection. He would gain it back. He had to. He could redeem himself. Then everything would be fine; he could help Zanda, Nim would be safe, and Doelle could be at peace among the Queen's stars after he found death in glorious battle.

He pulled his hands from Nim's gentle hold, stepping away from him. "Selfish heretic," he hissed.

Nim's heart shattered. "Doelle, please," he begged. "We can figure out a plan. We don't have to fight, no matter what prophecies or stupid seraphims say! Just stay with me, please!" He stumbled towards him, but Doelle took another three steps back.

Though he didn't allow it to show, Doelle's own heart broke as well, driven apart by the ice seeping into it. "No," he seethed. "I have been deceived by your temptation long enough. I won't be any longer. I will kill you if I see you on that fateful day. I will be perfect again. I will be good."

A single wingbeat sent him up from the surface of Earth. He flew home to the purest paradise, leaving his purest happiness sobbing in the dust beneath him.