The changes were subtle at first, but it started becoming obvious after the course of a few months.
Taehyung was definitely broken.
It started slowly. He frequently didn't feel good and would sleep a lot more often. He would stay in the room and just say he wanted to be alone for a bit. Then soon enough his eating slowed and became less consistent. He began to seem sadder and more empty inside.
No one noticed a thing.
He made sure of that.
However, Jungkook did.
"Taehyungie, want to go out for ice cream?" He would ask. Taehyung would put his head down and shake it, releasing a small "no thanks, Gguk." He would ask why, and he would just say he didn't feel good. Jungkook knew something was wrong from that moment. Taehyung never denied ice cream.
It took a long time for him to snap, though. With all the times Kook asked "are you okay?" or "what's wrong, Tae Tae?" he would never break. He knew it would take time, but he was willing to wait.
The day finally came on one certain day. It was the day of our comeback, and we were all at home, taking a small break. It was dinner time and Jin decided to just order in. When the food arrived and they all sat around the table, there was one empty chair.
"Taehyung, dinner!" Namjoon yelled in the general direction of Taehyung's bedroom. The door opened soon after with Tae standing there dressed in an oversized sweater and sweatpants.
He walked out and stood at the counter. He spoke, but his voice seemed a little off, "I-I'm not feeling well tonight, I'm just gonna rest."
"Maybe some food would help you," Jin said, a slight bit of concern laced in his tone.
"No thanks, upset stomach," he brushed it off like nothing and strolled over to the sink. He grabbed a glass and was filling it with water, when suddenly, his eyes rolled back and he collapsed to the ground.
Jungkook jumped up along with the 5 others as we rushed over to him on the floor. He went to grab his arms but was shocked beyond words when my hands looped right around his forearm like a twig. He let go, making everyone else around me stop as well.
"What is it, Jungkook...?" Namjoon asked.
"Just back up for a minute hyungs, please," Jungkook asked, on the verge of tears.
They all did, and he slowly stepped forward. He spoke, "I'll take care of him, please, and you all can eat. I will deal with this. Trust me."
They all hesitated, but saw the sincerity in Jungkook's expression. They knew he was being honest and would stay true to his word of keeping Taehyung safe. They all backed up and Jungkook knelt down beside his body and took a deep breathe before putting his arms under Taehyung's shoulders and his knees. He winced at how light he felt as he picked him up.
He walked away past the group of worried men towards Taehyung's bedroom. When he shut the door with his foot, he laid the thin man in his bed. Jungkook sat beside him and waited a while, his mind drifting away until he landed himself in a calm, dissociated state. However, after a little while, he could feel the bed shifting beneath him and his mind slowly came back into focus.
"Jungkook?" Taehyung said.
"Tae..." Jungkook said, eyeing the elder's face. His cheeks were sunken and his skin unhealthily pale. The dark circles underneath his eyes prominent in the light.
How could the six others have overlooked all of this?
"Wh-" Taehyung began, but Jungkook interrupted him unintentionally.
"What happened to you, hyung?"
Taehyung seemed taken aback, but applied a fake smile to his face. "Nothing happened, Ggukie, just a little dehydrated is all."
"I know you haven't been eating. I know you're extremely thin. I've noticed the weight loss. Please talk to me."
Taehyung's barrier seemed to falter a little bit but he mended it just as quick as it had been damaged. He continued to deny it, but Jungkook kept gently urging him to tell him. Bit by bit, Taehyung was breaking down. The smiles became more and more forced. The front was becoming harder to keep up and he couldn't seem to hold it for much longer.
"I love you, Taehyung. I won't tell the others if you don't want me too. Just please talk to me."
That was all it took before his walls broke down, and he couldn't hold back from strong surge of emotions. Tears started falling and he sat up. Jungkook held him close and ignored the ribs that he felt poking his stomach.
"K-Kook I'm so sorry... I just never wanted to bother all of you... but it hurts so fucking bad!" Taehyung whispered, his voice breaking near the end of his sentence.
"It's okay, hyung, I'm here for you," Jungkook spoke softly, his voice gentle and soothing to Taehyung's distressed state. He wasn't going to rush him, so he waited while Taehyung cried.
"Wh-When I was seven, m-my dad's friend..." his voice cracked, and he shut his eyes tight. "they always used to make comments about my weight and my appearance... hurtful things, horrible things... why would they say something like that to a seven year old!?"
He hid his face in Jungkook's shoulder, gripping the fabric of his shirt with his clingy hands.
"My dad's friend would comment about my s.εﾒ appeal... only when we were alone, though... he would tell me all the things he wanted to do to me, but I didn't understand... I thought it was normal and him telling me he wanted to feel my small hands around him was okay..."
"Finally one day when my dad agreed to let him take me out for ice cream, he took me somewhere else instead... he took me to his apartment and I asked him what we were doing, he said he just had to do something before we went... he asked me to help him with it, and I didn't understand what he meant, but I had always been raised to help my elders and respect them... so I agreed. He forced me on the floor and took off my clothes. I knew it was wrong, it felt wrong, I hated it, but he wouldn't stop no matter how much I begged and cried... he touched me all over, every spot... he used me for his own fucking disgusting pleasure!"
Taehyung held onto Jungkook with all of his strength, which wasn't much. Jungkook could feel his nails digging into his skin, but he didn't care. He wanted Taehyung to be able to let everything out, no matter what it took. He wanted his hyung to feel better and relieved.
"I never told anyone, because he demanded I didn't... he said bad things would happen if I did... I never told anyone until now..." he said, looking up at Jungkook wide eyes filled with tears.
"I'm so sorry, Tae... but I'm really glad you told me," Jungkook said, hugging Taehyung close to him. Taehyung snuggled into him, grateful for his warmth. His cold, starving body hadn't felt warmth in months, so he relished it while he could. Jungkook felt Taehyung go stiff for a moment underneath his arms before relaxing again slowly.
"What?" Jungkook asked softly. Taehyung just shook his head and replied with a muffled, "nothing."
"Please?" Jungkook said, brushing his hands gently through Taehyung's hair, a few strands coming loose from his scalp, which Jungkook just brushed it off onto the floor.
"It's really nothing," Taehyung insisted.
"Pleaseeeee," Jungkook whined, poking his bottom lip out in a pout.
"I was just thinking... since my brain links sexual things to bad memories, maybe I could make some good memories to link instead... so having s.εﾒ didn't traumatise me for the rest of my life..." he said, hiding his face.
"But won't that trigger some things...?" Jungkook carefully asked, trying to choose his words right.
"I-I've been thinking about it for a while and I thought... maybe if I was able to do it with the person I trusted most, maybe it wouldn't be as bad... maybe it wouldn't trigger a flashback, and maybe I could enjoy it a little..."
"Who's that? I'm sure they would be willing if it meant you would not have to suffer from this anymore." Jungkook said, rubbing Taehyung's back soothingly.
"It's..." he hesitated, tensing slightly. "nevermind, I don't deserve their help... I deserve to suffer."
His breathing got ragged, and his grip on Jungkook loosened. He began to slightly move away, trying to isolate himself back into the comfort of his normality. His mind was fixed to believe that being hurt was comfort, it was "normal". Not to others, but it was his normal. It was normal to him because it was what he deserved, and only him.
"Please don't say that Tae, please confide in me. I want to be here for you. You don't deserve to hurt or go through this. You deserve to feel better. Please come back to me."
Jungkook didn't try to grab Taehyung, just gently opened his arms in a warm welcome. The older man hesitated, but slowly slid back into his embrace. It was comforting and gave him temporary hope that it was truly possible for him to be happy.
"The person is you, Kookie... you were always there for me. Not that the others weren't, it's just that it was different. I'm not sure how, but the look in your eyes were always different from the rest. Everyone else was concerned, but you looked like you had faith in me like I knew what I was doing but would always be there for me if I needed me. God, I always did, but I never came to you because I didn't want to burden you. You were the only one who didn't accept my lies. When I said I was fine, you clearly didn't believe me and you insisted, but not around the others. You were always considerate like that. You knew I would get uncomfortable in front of them and probably have a breakdown so you always did it when we were alone and I made the stupid decision of lying then, too... I never told you, but I've always had a crush on you Jungkookie. I pushed it away because I was so scared of getting hurt again but I know now that you wouldn't do that... I'm sorry, I'll stop being stupid and ranting."
Jungkook took in everything, jaw slightly dropping in shock. He froze for a while, making Taehyung stare at his expression, worried. Jungkook quickly snapped back from his thoughts and his face broke out in a soft blush on his cheeks. He slowly smiled and pulled Taehyung into a tight hug. Taehyung returned it, immediately bursting into tears.
"Hyung, I love you so much. Never call yourself stupid, because you're not. You're so handsome and amazing, and I have never loved anyone the way I love you. I want to spend my life with you because I've always had a crush on you too but thought you only saw me as a brother..."
Taehyung cried harder, but Jungkook carefully pulled him back. They locked eyes and didn't lose contact. Jungkook carefully caressed his cheek and whispered, "Can I kiss you?" Taehyung hesitated for a few moments but then carefully nodded.
"Are you sure?" Jungkook whispered again, eyes full of concern. He nodded again, more certain this time. Jungkook slowly leaned in, enveloping the older man's lips with his a soft, gentle kiss. Taehyung eagerly returned it, their lips molding together perfectly and lovingly. However, after a while of repeated soft kisses, Taehyung made the first move of kissing harder and separating Jungkook's lips with his own. Jungkook let him make all the first moves, refusing so do anything without consent beforehand. They separated and Taehyung spoke.
"Kook, do you think you can... um... help me...?" Taehyung said, unable to meet his eyes.
"Of course, Tae. I'd be happy to."
With that, Taehyung smiled and kissed Jungkook again. The younger man got pushed back on the bed as the older grabbed the collar of his shirt, pulling it down so he had enough access to kiss his neck.
Jungkook exhaled heavily before smiling and winding his fingers through Taehyung's hair and gripping gently as to not force any extra hair loss. He worked wonders on Jungkook's neck and collarbone, leaving painful, dark, already red marks that would later turn into dark purple hickeys. They worked together to gently peel the shirt from the younger's body and discard it onto the floor.
"Can you tell me what I can't do? I'm just scared of hurting you..." Jungkook asked, not taking his eyes away from his hyung's.
"I know you're into choking, but I don't think I can do that... receiving or giving. I don't think I'd be okay with degrading or hitting or spanking or anything..."
"Okay, wait- how did you know I was into choking?" Jungkook asked, as his face began to turn a bright pink.
"I, um, accidentally walked in on you one day... touching yourself with one hand while the other was around your throat..." Taehyung turned away, swallowing hard. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I-"
"It's okay hyungie, I promise," Jungkook said. He gently cupped Taehyung's cheek and pulled him into a soft kiss.
"Thank you Jungkookie," Taehyung said when they separated. He quickly went back to undressing his dongsaeng, removing all of his clothes except for his boxers. Before he could remove those, he started palming Jungkook through the thin, gray fabric.
Jungkook moaned out, the sinful noise sparking a small sense of trauma. His hand slowed and he took it away for a moment. His eyes were wide and he stared off into space.
"I'm sorry, hyung, I'll hold back, okay?" Jungkook reassured him, making sure not to touch him until he knew he was okay.
"No it's okay Kook, it just surprised me. I'm okay with it."
"Promise...?" Jungkook slowly held out his pinky, soft black doe eyes staring right up at his elder.
"Promise." They linked pinkies and sealed it with a stamp of thumb pads. Taehyung smiled and giggled before trying to push Jungkook so he was sitting against the headboard. However, since he was so weak, he couldn't budge the younger man. Jungkook moved to where Taehyung wanted him, though, and then let him continue.
He straddled Jungkook's thighs and put his hands at the bottom of his shirt like he was going to take it off but then hesitated.
"Is it okay if I keep my shirt on...? I'm scared..." Taehyung asked, very carefully. He thought that might anger Jungkook and make him hurt him.
"Of course, Taehyungie. As long as you're comfortable."
That made Taehyung hesitate even more. He didn't always want to be nervous about this, so he grabbed his shirt and pulled it over his head. Jungkook gasped and covered his mouth as tears began to fall from his eyes. Prominent ribs and sliced arms, some fresh, some scabbing over, some faded all caught his attention.
"I-I'm so sorry Kook..." He covered his body, feeling insecure and fat. "I didn't mean to disappoint you... I'm sure you regret this now, I'm sorry..."
"No, hyung, I just... you're so unhealthy... I just wanna help you get better."
"I don't... want better."
"We'll worry about this another time, okay? Right now I want to help you with this." He wipes his tears and tried to slow them.
"Okay... I'm sorry." Taehyung grabbed Jungkook's hands and put them on his chest, directed towards his nipples.
"Do anything you want except what I told you earlier. Just please go slow. I'll tell you if anything isn't okay."
"Okay, hyung. Do you know your colours?"
Taehyung nodded. Jungkook then leaned forward and began kissing him again, rough this time. Sloppy, tongue-filled kisses filled with passion and desire. Jungkook groaned in between the crashes of their lips, moving his hand slowly and cautiously across Taehyung's body, occasionally flicking and tweaking his nipples, making him jump and exert a small whimper each time.
"Let me know if you get exhausted or are gonna pass out, hyung," Jungkook said.
Taehyung nodded and tried to speak, but Jungkook took his left nipple into his mouth, teasing it with his tongue, drowning out the elder's words with a moan. His deep, velvety voice making the maknae's dick twitch.
"I assume you want to bottom?" Jungkook asked, looking up at him with large doe eyes.
He nodded, making Jungkook strip himself the rest of the way. After doing so, he directed Tae back to his lap, his hands gently drifting to his hips. He carefully guided his hyung to circle his hips on top of his groin. He could feel Taehyung tense up by this and he stalled his movements.
"What's wrong, hyung?" Jungkook asked.
"It's just, I-" he hesitated. Jungkook's heart started racing, worried that he had done something to hurt the man. "I'm confused as to why you want to help me..."
Jungkook smiled and gently helped Taehyung remove his pants and boxers before kissing his legs. From just above his knee to his inner, cut up thighs, he left loving pecks. He then proceeded to kiss from his stomach to across his ribs to his chest, the finally to his neck, jawline, and lips.
"I want to help you because I love you, Taehyungie," Jungkook said.
Taehyung stared at him before asking, "Why?"
Jungkook giggled and carefully lifted up his hyung and placed him on the bed on his back. He gave him more kisses before putting his hand on his thigh (the uncut part). He whispered in a deep voice, "I love you because you're Taehyung. I love you for you, not for your weight or for your appearance. I love you because you're caring and sweet and considerate. I love you because you're my hyung and you've always taken care of me."
Jungkook spread Taehyung's legs more and pushed them back, giving him a nice view of his cock and hole. He licked his lips and met eyes with Taehyung who seemed worried.
"Is something wrong?" Jungkook asked, lifting his hands off of Taehyung's pale skin. Taehyung shook his head and grabbed Jungkook's wrist, placing his hand on his half hard dick. The younger seemed surprised but didn't argue. He began stroking him slowly as the elder started to slowly harden beneath him. Taehyung held onto Jungkook's arm, making him slow down.
"Please don't stop, it feels good..." Taehyung said, leaning his head back slightly.
"Can I touch here?" Jungkook moved his hand down so his finger could circle the rim of his hole. Taehyung looked afraid and then slowly whispered, "Could... Could we wait a little bit... for that?"
Jungkook nodded, and put on a small smile. Taehyung let out a breath he seemed to same been holding. Jungkook grabbed his hand and laced their fingers together as he spoke, "Don't worry hyung, I won't do anything you're not comfortable with."
Taehyung thanked him and apologised, but Kook insisted he didn't need to. "Can I use my mouth?" Jungkook asked. Taehyung looked confused and asked why. "I want to make you feel good, Tae Tae."
"...Why?" Taehyung asked slowly.
"What do you mean?"
"Why would you want to make me feel good? Aren't you supposed to make me do that for you?"
And with that, Jungkook's heart broke.
"Hyung, s.εﾒ is about making each other feel good."
"You don't have to you know, I don't deserve it."
"I want to... I wanna see your beautiful face with your mouth wide open as you're moaning my name while I make you feel so good..."
Taehyung stared at Jungkook for a while until he saw tears forming.
"I'm sorry, hyung... did I do something wrong? I'm sorry."
"No, Kook, the exact opposite. You treat me so well... thank you so much."
Jungkook was pulled into a deep kiss which he quickly reciprocated. He threaded his fingers through the older man's hair gently, not pulling, just holding his head so deepen the kiss more. Carefully, to not seem rude, he pulled away and started leaving kisses down his body, appreciating every bit of skin he passes. He stalls for a minute at his nipples, taking one into his mouth and flicking it with his tongue, causing Taehyung to gasp and grip onto Jungkook's bicep. Making sure he wasn't doing anything wrong, Jungkook looked up and met eyes with a man who looks like he's being pleasured for the first time in his life as if he was starved of it.
And it was, but they were going to ignore that part.
Jungkook smirked and continued doing small teasing flicks, occasionally biting gently with his teeth which made Taehyung inhale sharply each time. His body was cold, and to Taehyung, it felt like fire with every touch from Jungkook. It felt comforting, but unfamiliar. Jungkook slowly moved down, kissing over the prominent ribs, trying not to tear up before making it to his stomach. Taehyung tensed up so he once again looked up to make sure what he doing was okay, to which he found Taehyung looking tense with his tongue caught in between his lips, but he nodded so the younger kept going. He made it down to his vline and to the base of his cock.
With one stripe of his tongue up the side, Taehyung thrusted upwards and moaned. The sucking off continued for a while until Taehyung's words got caught in his throat when he attempted to speak.
"Kook, I-... I-" Taehyung said, his eyes shut and his head back, his hands bracing himself, gripping the sheets. Jungkook understood, and sucked slightly harder. The elder moaned out and breathed hard. Soon, Jungkook tasted the liquid in his mouth from Taehyung's cock and kept going until he finished completely. He got up quickly, swallowing it, and looked up at Taehyung. He was startled when he saw the man's eyes rolling back in his head and closing as he fell forward, so he grabbed him and pulled him into his lap.
"I'm sorry Kook..." he apologised.
"It's okay hyung, you can rest now. I'll wait until you're ready if you ever want to go further." Taehyung nodded and closed his eyes, passing out in his arms. Jungkook kissed his forehead and whispered, "You're not alone anymore."
Taehyung smiled before letting go.
